MooPIg's Sure-fire Solution for Writers' Block: a "Vision QUEST"

Ovidiu Confessed Writers' block,
by Pat Darnell

"These days I am in one of those periods where nothing really comes to me easy, in terms of inspiration, or whatever you want to call it… I didn’t post anything yesterday because nothing came to my mind. Period. Yesterday evening while rehearsing with my band, I searched for a better “solution” for the guitar part of one new song and frankly it was not that great. (Ovidiu; Lack of inspiration In: Rocking in the free world. Sorry -- LINKS no longer valid. Thursday Jul 17, 2008)"

Dearest Ovidiu:
I will never leave you alone in the doldrums. I will be there when you are feeling down. You’ve got a friend.
Here is the antidote:
This very afternoon, crash a private party where a garage band is playing its heart out to a mosh-oriented crowd of dowagers.
Challenge the biggest fella, or gal, to a Tequila Shots Chug Contest. Kindly, invite any others to join in if they want at stage front during the band’s break. [you really need a good brand of Tequila, Cuervo Gold preferably, you might bring your own case]
After each shot you all have to do a physical exercise, like jumping jacks, push ups, head stands, step-ball-change-kick-kick-clap line dancing... etc…
Win the contest: even if it takes 42 shots.
Accept the love from the crowd as you grab a girl and exit into a silent night due to the effects of Tequila, not actual silence. Use your judgment that is remaining and carefully drive yourselves home to your place.
No hanky panky… just talk to her as you throw-up from your balcony… evolve into a walking pass out… speak of your profound love for the universe and all god’s children’s… great and small
Until you stumble into you couch and pass into heavy heavy sleep known as “alpha level: dormant as a desert cactus needle.”
When you wake up at the crack of dawn, you call the little lady a cab… no it isn’t over yet.
You jump right away in your car and go out to find a rugby team that is looking for a fifteenth man, a hooker, otherwise they “will have to forfeit” sob stories. You volunteer… and not only hook every ball, but score three tries as you win the tournament for strangers’ company.
Wow, I wish I could be there with you… When you look up into that panoramic sky and become engulfed in Tequila Amnesia. That is when you will receive your vision quest !!

Just pay it forward, don’t thank me. Or you could send a contribution to my children’s education fund. I am preparing them similarly for college…
As always, your friend, saying: what are friends for?

Pat and Friends, aka MooPig da' Furst


______________________Reference
http://santaigrejadaonifodencia.com/wp/blog/2013/08/08/tequila-o-mijo-do-capeta/

"...To illustrate I will tell you uama story. I worked with some lovers of Tequila and our conversations over drinks always surrounded her. I once went to a farewell coworker and decided to take lots of beer after the race who take it anymore Tequila . 4 entered the contest, first triple for each, mexican style (round Tequila pure) and all well. Second round and triple todoa well. Third eodada teheeipla and tooooudsooosssss and soft, and then comes the maledetta fourth round triple and so on 12nd Tequila the world went off, I woke up in the hospital wondering the video game 1000 real that I had bought the day, the second participant agreed vomiting on the car window with his wife driving without a license and the other 2 have proved the aphrodisiac side of Tequila , waking underwear, 2, on the same couch...."

Found: WMD's

by Pat Darnell, Adler Peabody, and others


"It has been staring us in the faces for the whole time..."

Yep, right there on the brows of all old hairy men in the Mideast, Afghanistan, Dubai and in some East European Countries: EYEBROWS

"It came to me when My wife leapt up on my chest with a tweezers in her hand, and said: 'I'm going to pluck those deadly weapons!'"


Said former Secretary to the Deputy Assistant, Adler Peabody, "I called my old department and they called the Iraqi Front. Suddenly as if scales were falling from the eyes of our fighting men and women -- it became clear where the Weapons of Mass Destruction had been hiding all these years," recanted Adler.

Sec Peabody had resigned his post 18 months ago after having been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. His revelation came as he is in recovery under care at the Veterans Hospital in Wisconsin. "I have been given some new revolutionary drugs for my disorder," he said.

You see the truth is that as the hairline recedes, the eyebrows become more 'aggressive' so to speak. See for yourselves in the photo's left.

The State Department has no comment for us today. Our intelligence reports have been able to trace the 'brilliant hiding place' all the way back to the Irish Republican Army, the IRA, when some collaboration between IRA Sleeper Cells and Muslim Deep Napping Cells took place in Irish Pubs around the world.

"Yeah, ya bloody Wanker," explains one old timer IRA Operative, Paddy OMalley, now owner Bar Man at the Corner Pull. "We used to put WMD's on the hairy parts on the back of our hands. Then at some point we would back-hand those Muslim brothers in the eye."

"Do you remember any particulars?" asked MooPig Correspondent.

"Mind ya, this was before Carter Days over in the States. We didn't have any of that hot-spot, bloody laptop hook ups, or this tea-sippin' coffee-sluggin' potato-brain nightmares..." OMalley was beside himself and couldn't go on.

Our correspondent took another look around the Corner Pull. There were no laptops or coffee cups around. The place still had heavy timbers coated with beer splash, and wooden planked floors with huge blood stains, and peanut shells ground into it as a sort of patina. "From the looks of it, you have kept the place looking very authentic, Mr OMalley," said our correspondent.

"Yes, of course, ya Bugger. So anyways, one evening, A Nun, a Priest and a Sheik all walked into this here Corner Pull. I was sitting right here that night, too. And right after them in walks the New Zealand All Blacks, and the Ireland Rugby Club fresh from a draw game that lasted two days. It had been the whisper that a very large shipment of WMD'd were to be transferred that night."

"And..."

"Oh, yeah, the first thing the Bar Man said to me, 'Is this some kind of a joke?'" said OMalley, chuckling to himself.

"And the brawl that ensued was a remarkable thing to watch, if ya' survived. There's even a song sung to this day at most IRA and IRC meets about that night. You see, the Nun, well -- she were no lady."

Next Week: The Song

Hallejua :: They Found my long, lost Cannonball

I think we can honestly make this "Last Call for WMD's" ... no? Retrieved by PD



Ark. Man Digging In Garden Unearths A Civil War-era Cannonball That Could Be Still Explosive
[SOURCE]
FORT SMITH, Ark., Apr. 22, 2009

(AP) Officials say a Fort Smith man digging in his garden unearthed a Civil War-era cannonball that's possibly still explosive. The unidentified man was tending to his garden Tuesday at his home when he found the rusted, 4-inch-diameter iron ball.

Bill Black, the park superintendent of the Fort Smith National Historic Site, said the cannonball appears to be a live round that's about 145 years old.

Fort Smith Fire Department officials plan to shoot at the cannonball with a shaped charge, which will either detonate the round, break it open or put a hole in it. Black said he hopes to keep the remnants at the Fort Smith National Historic Site.

There were a number of Civil War engagements in and around Fort Smith, including the Battle of Massard Prairie.

Weapons of Mass Distraction

Poster children for Adult Attention Deficit Disorders have set new precedent for American Wartime Tyranny
by Pat Darnell

With the aplomb of a war criminal; Dick Cheney has offered his best defense upfront of his departure from office. War crime and lame-duckedness are a grizzly combination.

Lame-duckedness is a syndrome, people become blind and get tunnel vision, causing them to only see what is in front of them, putting them into a trance like state while looking for the perfect gift. This effect is similar to what usually happens two days before Christmas.

Guy: Dude, what was up with that chick driving the Escalade, she almost hit you.

Guy 2: She's eat up, she's a Christmas zombie

Does anyone appreciate the risk one takes to present oneself in public office?
One blogger finds the recent interview with VP Dick Cheney enlightening: "..On December 15, 2008, ABC’s Jonathan Karl interviewed Vice President Dick Cheney, who actually managed to evince more delusional confidence than even anticipated. When asked about torture, Cheney disregarded criticism about his part in Guantanamo as the pish-posh of ignoramuses." (Tracy O'Neill, Dick Cheney Condones Torture in ABC Interview with Jonathan Karl, Claims US Has Not Used Torture Techniques Posted by 12/16/2008 09:30 AM)


"Doing what we need to defend the Nation. ..If that is what [is meant] that I [Dick Cheney] have changed, then yes I'm guilty...

MooPig interjects that VP Cheney might have added: ...And all those files are sealed now by the national security councils for the next fifty years. So buck up patriots and laborers, your course is laid in for you and you are "distracted."

We notice that: Gone is the doggedness, and sweaty brow of Cheney; all that is left is the crooked path of an un-surveyed paper trail.

MooPig-sters everywhere, do you hear that? That humming sound? That is the sound of mass confusion, led by weapons of mass distraction. Please all those within the sound of my voice hear this:

It will soon be over. It is complicated because that is the veil lame ducks hide behind in times of mish mash politics; these fellows pull out their weapons of mass distraction.

We deduce: Every story going out to press of the Cheney -- Bush marriage is now moot. Indictment, and pardons, is a last ditch effort to get at the truth about our compromised liberties of the past eight years. Cheney\Bush didn't produce the dead or alive body of Bin Laden, nor did they produce incentive to send American troopers to their deaths in Iraq... and so on.

There's a new marshal in town: "Barry Obama; And partner -- when we see the terrorists bleed, that is the story that will lead."

Dear George Bush: (either one)

Open letter to the commander-in-chief and the Prince of Elements of the cowboy republic formerly known as the USA:

Re: CCD, WMD and Big Dicks of Texas and surrounding states, water and Prince of the elements

cc: H. Clinton "Beware the leaven of Men"

Dear George Bush, either one:
CCD is the real enemy of this country; we are not hit men for the Saudis.

The Department of Justice should put some of its resources into fighting the microbes of Cascading Colony Disorder, CCD, and save some bees before looking for WMD, weapons of mass destruction.

Let me explain: since you are a rancher, it is in your best Geo Bush interest to control the forces of nature. That Katrina mess should have given you a clue.

Item One: You have the technology and the purpose, and the funds to make it rain in Iraq, Iran and all those screwed up mid-east countries.

• Seed the atmosphere like you have been doing here in Texas

Make it rain hard in the desert

• Iraqis have no experience with water and will surely have a revolutionary reaction


• Water will bring "flowers to the desert."

Item Two: Moslem's and Arabians have been living centuries in a region where they have no water. They therefore develop from childhood with less water and green vegetation than the rest of the world. Having little water makes a population smaller, and weaker. Most evident is a lack of zinc in the diets of arid domiciled populations. It turns out:

No zinc in diet results in smaller average penis size

• Smaller male genitals makes males less able to please females


• Males must resort to extreme repression to hold onto their females

Now I thought every big dick Texan knew this. Especially the Bushes, since they are such big Texans. Or are they? Either way it is in the Commanders' best interest to make rain in Iraq, let those hapless people in on the secrets of happiness: Cool Clear Water, and normal, functional sexual activity, with big, water filled, strong women like Anna Nic-Smith.

Poor women of Arabia... I feel their pain!! (could have been said-- Sen. H. Clinton)

Once you have put water into sheep dip hideouts for despots, latrines and hovels... maybe the culture will discover chairs and quit eating off dirt floors that are becoming damp. Just ask your untapped constituency west of the Allegheny mountains, and East of the Rockies:

Midwesterners are sick of going into police actions in 700+ countries and trying to remedy the eating, hygiene and sewer problems with police action. Our troops have become sitting ducks for the last time, Mr. President... oh, you are a lame duck yourself, sorry forgot.

More water, more rain, just spray the stratosphere with the stuff you have been putting in the sky above Texas and Midwest. I guess I am trying to say as your peer George: Don't be such a fool -- scripture says the enemy is subdued by the Prince of Elements... so seize the day and make it rain on those poor bastards. You are the Prince of Elements, and you don't even know it?

Remember if you don't take care of the CCD in bee colonies soon, you won't have any Angus on your dinner plate. And if I find out you are a drugstore cowboy, who doesn't know the condition of his own pasture sod, I might have to ask my fellow Texans to consider censure on your doings. I get the feeling you don't realize Bonanza was a fictitious TV show.

Yours, with warm regards,

Patrick Darnell, BS BA Management, CTU, Trinity University Alumnus

"The roughest road often leads to the top." Christina Aguilera

"I was 23, and he was 86. I saw a very sick man. I just wanted to just talk with him. There was no physical attraction at all. He was very much attracted to me. ...Vickie Lynn Hogan is my birth certificate's name." Anna Nicole Smith