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Thursday, January 28, 2016

MooPig Anecdote Corner :: "Luigi, Luigi, Luigi..."

Mike Adkins

A older couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.
"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts" she said. The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said "Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself".
So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked "Do you shave?" "No" replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?" "Oh, yes" said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair department... very generously indeed.
The girl finished her bath and went to bed. Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him "Did you see it?" "Yes" he said "but why the hell did you have to show her yours". "Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before". "I know" he said "but the dart team hadn't!"
  • Mike Adkins My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his dental diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark haired boy with the same name had been in my secondary school class some 30-odd years ago.

    Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

    Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, grey haired man with the deeply lined face was far too old to have been my classmate.

    After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park secondary school. "Yes, yes I did. I'm a Morganner!" he beamed with pride.

    "When did you leave to go to college?" I asked. He answered. "1965. Why do you ask?" "You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

    He looked at me closely.

    Then the ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat arsed, grey haired, decrepit, bastard asked... "What subject did you teach?"
    22 hours ago · Like · 1
  • Mike Adkins An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. 

    The two gentlemen were talking, and one said "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would re
    commend it very highly." The other man said "What is the name of the restaurant?"

    The first man thought and thought and finally said "What's the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, that's the one" replied the man. 

    He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled "Rose... what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
    21 hours ago · Like · 1
  • Mike Adkins Luigi walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store twice every day. Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes. He wants those beautiful shoes so much... it's all he can think about.

    After about 2 months 
    he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.

    Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement. Luigi seizes this opportunity to wear his new Armani's for the first time.

    He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her "Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?" Taken aback, Sophia replies "Yes, Luigi, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?" Luigi answers "I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes. How do you like them?"

    Next he asks Rosa to dance and after a few minutes he asks "Rosa do you wear white panties tonight?" Rosa answers "Yes, Luigi, I do, but how do you know that?" He replies "I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes... how do you like them?"

    Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Luigi asks Carmela to dance. Midway through the dance his face turns red. He states "Carmela, be stilla my heart. Please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight. Please, please, tella me this true!"

    Carmela smiles coyly and answers "Yes Luigi, I wear no panties tonight..." Luigi gasps "Thanka God... I thought I had a CRACK in my $300 Armani leather shoes!"
    21 hours ago · Like · 1

    Mike Adkins A newly retired cop was walking down the street, on his way to a retired cops breakfast, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for a meal. The retired cop took out his wallet, extracted a twenty dollar bill and asked the guy "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of food?" "No, I had to stop drinking many years ago when I was a cop" the homeless man replied.

    "You were once a cop?" "Yes" the homeless man replied. "On the force for 12 years, until I was fired for drinking on duty and I lost my retirement after wrecking a patrol car the same day".

    "Will you use this $20 to only buy donuts and coffee instead of buying nutritious food?" "No, I don't waste time with sugary foods" the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive and eat as well as I can".

    "Will you spend this $20 on green fees at a golf course instead of good food?" "Are you nuts?" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years since I was fired from the force".

    "Will you spend the money on a woman over in the red light district instead of buying good food?" "What disease would I get for a lousy twenty bucks? I hate whores" exclaimed the homeless man.

    "Well" said the retired cop "I'm not going to give you the money now. Instead, I'm going to take you to a terrific cops breakfast around the corner and get you to tell the retired cops your story, then you get the money".

    The homeless man was astounded. "Won't these officers be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting, man". The retired cop replied "That's okay. It's important for them all to see what a cop looks like after he has given up beer, donuts, golf and sex".
    22 hours ago · Like · 1

    Thanks Mike.

Thursday, December 03, 2015

MooPig Bipolar Disorder Department :: Am we Bi-Polar? PART ONE

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Find Someone Who will Listen to You
Mixed  Mashed Articles by Pat Darnell  |  Dec 3, 2015  |  Bryan TX

13 Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder: Are You Bipolar? | Health Cure Center: "Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder that affects millions of people from all walks of life. According to medical professionals, people who suffer from this condition experience episodes of mania, which are typically followed by episodes of depression and vice versa."
'via Blog this'


MooPig Bipolar Disorder Department :: Am we Bi-Polar? PART THREE

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It's a Good Thing, or No
Mashed Martial Articles by Pat Darnell   |  Dec 3, 2015  |  Bryan TX

One time I asked friends to comment on some free verse that I had written. One of them said, "It's a good thing he never did drugs."

For reals, he may have said a summary of my life in the Hypomania ... "his difficulties preclude him from leading a normal life" ... the sign of a good friend who can tell me to my face what is happening. I have held that comment near to my heart for all this time. In other words, at least one person got me.

That is why I am attracted to this article:

21 things you only know if you’re bipolar | Health Care Plans: "3. It doesn’t mean you’re up and down all the time Everyone’s different – you can have rapid cycling (where you quickly go from high to low), mixed state (when you have symptoms of depression and mania at the same time), or go gradually up and down with periods of ‘normality’ in between. 4. You may be mildly amused by people who take drugs recreationally There’s something rather tame about pill-popping in a field of muddy campers on a Bank Holiday weekend when you’re walking around with what feels like a permanent pharmacy dispensing random chemicals in a Russian roulette style in your head."
'via Blog this'

Carry on.


MooPig Bipolar Disorder Department :: Am we Bi-Polar? PART TWO

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Talk About, Talk About, Talk About ...
Mashed Martial Articles by Pat Darnell  |  Dec 3, 2015  |  Bryan TX

What scares a parent more than anything? I think it scares parents when their child doesn't fit in with normals, or their child might stand out in odd ways. Consider Vincent Van Gogh's parents for a moment:  they probably grew old never knowing why their son could not fit in.

Where do I find all these bipolar articles? I find them on faceBook.

Three Bipolar Disorder Symptoms No One Wants to Talk About | Cure Connect: "I work with parents and partners of those with bipolar disorder. In the majority of situations, people who are in a strong dysphoric manic episode can be dangerous, aggressive and violent. Physical assault and weapons are not uncommon. Many men go to jail because of this behavior when they actually need psychiatric help. People, both men and women who are mild mannered and kind when well, get super human strength along with the aggression- ripping a sink out of the wall- punching through windows- throwing chairs and other dangerous behavior are not uncommon."
'via Blog this'

There was a time in the not so far off past when people were not labeled. With the advent of the human DNA mapped, and constant crush of Healthcare and Pharma, and lists to be made, we have labels now for every phase of existence. And we say, "Isn't that all silly."


Friday, November 20, 2015

UPDATE ~~ MooPig Report from the Middle :: "Causality..." UPDATED

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by Pat Darnell  |  Nov 12, 2015  |  Bryan TX

Professor Longshadow smoothed out the ends of his mustache. The nubile on row three, seat four asked a question he could not understand.

"Could you repeat that, please Miss?" Professor Longshadow squinted at her.

"My name is Miss Pembroke. What I am saying is Alaskans chill out; we in Chicago spazz out!"

"Do you feel lacking in some way in your urban life, Miss Pembroke?"
"... Such an institution of coercion, centralizing immorality, directing theft and murder, and coordinating oppression on a scale inconceivable by random criminality exists ..." was what Professor Longshadow had just said in his lecture.
"What is this really about?" asked the Professor.

"Winter; that's what I am talking about," said Miss Pembroke. "I need a philosophy of Winter."

"But I am lecturing about philosophic models of the Free Market," said Professor.

"Well, that is maybe good for you, but all you are saying is what other philosophers say about each other," explained Miss Pembroke. "I need 21st Century material."

The lecture hall began to hum with under breath mutterings of the other students. It is common fact that Professor Longshadow had been putting students to sleep for many years. Miss Pembroke's interruption awakened many of the sullen tide of undergrads.

"I'm fed up with Philosopher number two talking smack about Philosopher number three," said Miss Pembroke.

All she got was the "Longshadow thousand mile stare."


"...The venerable lecture has few allies today. While many in the humanities have long preferred seminar-style instruction, our friends in the sciences have begun to give the lecture a second look. A growing body of research suggests that lectures simply are not that effective, especially when compared to active-learning models.( WILLIAM FENTON.  NOVEMBER 12, 2015. LINK)..."
"So what you are saying, Miss Pembroke, is that the streets are not a comfortable place for you?" asked Professor Longshadow.

"The streets in Chicago during winter are treacherous, dirty, slushy, mind-boggling dangerous, and yes I am uncomfortable on the streets IN WINTER," said Miss Pembroke, "and what I need is a philosophy that helps me cope with Chicago winters."


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