MooPig's Who would win in a Cage Match #3

Snipped by Pat Darnell  |  Sep 23, 2012  |  Bryan TX

Eric "Butterbean" Esch

--OR--

Troyal "Garth" Brooks

Buford: 'Evelyn, what would happen if you swallowed Uranium?'
Evelyn: 'I don't know. What would happen, Buford?'
Buford: 'You would get atomic ache, Evelyn.'

Reasons to Have a Camera Phone

EXHIBIT A-1: Granny got your Gun, and you got a camera phone shot...

WRUFF -- "Breaking Down the Stereo-Type of Sheltered Housing"

Reporting Trends in American Style
by Pat Darnell and Vienna's Hostages

Wrinkle-Rockers Ultimate Female Fighting, or WRUFF, had a major boost in ratings last week. In the town of Vienna Square, in Winter Haven, Florida, many turned out to witness Edna 'the Badger' Simons, battle new-comer, surly Joanna Sims Daschlek, in the Moston Green Outdoor Arena.

Edna arrived on her Amiga three wheeler, and Joanna, at 62, took a casual walk to the event. They came with canes, shopping carts, and Shitzui on a chain, as accessories and weapons. Clad in high waisted pants, raincoat, and hat, you just get them wound up and let them go at it.

Tale of the Tape
Edna -- 5'3" | 156 lbs. | 78 years old | 74" reach | 24 Grandchildren

Joanna- 5'6" | 122 lbs. | 62 years old | 63" reach | 13 Grandchildren

The battle for Phone List Chairperson Champ was scheduled for fifteen 30-second rounds, with five minute tea parties between rounds. It went the whole gamut, with a TKO in the fifteenth. Edna 'the Badger' Simons managed to keep her title, and to remain reigning PLCC World Light Middle-Weight Champion.

It became clear from the pre-match betting in the gallery, that Edna's 11 inch reach advantage was making her favorite of the patrons. We suppose Edna's reach advantage and a long experience doing battle in the WRUFF Moston Green, Octagon Cage, makes up for Joanna's younger age, and better chance of not having a coronary.

" ... It appears that the friendly competition that these grannies had at the track yesterday has finally turned ugly. Taking a page from their male counterparts, these mixed martial artist grannies are going mano y mano in the cage. All you need to do is sit back and watch fighters furiously press each other's buttons, and 'Granny' will come out swingin’. Fortunately, they are still wearing gloves —but next thing you know they will be taking it to the extreme with tape covered in broken glass. A hardcore granny deathmatch."

"Residents recently invited their families and local community support officers along for boxing and golf," said Trevor Thorold, scheme manager at Moston Green. “The evening is a regular feature and is enjoyed by everyone. We all congregate at Moston Green. As well as being fun, it keeps residents fit and active, especially the boxing."

“We are keen to break down the stereotype of sheltered housing, and show that we offer a strong community spirit, with lots of activities for people of all ages.” (Shropshirestar, HERE; retrieved by PD today)