Idol Satire for the Idle Mind
by Pat Darnell and no one else
"An internal White House investigation found missed messages and portrayed an out-of-the-loop Caldera, clearly the [Obama] administration's fall guy." (May 8, 2009; AP)
Just recently this aide to the White House resigned and wrote a splendid resignation letter toward impending ... what .... ?
[PHOTO: Air Force One scary May 09 fly by]
That is impetus enough for MooPig Department of "Resignation Letters and Inflated Resumes" asking all hypothetically-incorrect questions:
"What if Criss Angel were appointed to replace the unforgiven press aide... who had launched an enormous purchase order for Air Force One to fly over the Statue of Liberty for Pic's and Cheese Cake Photos... as the Fall Guy?"
What better Fall Guy, than the Illusionist and Vegas Show Dude, Criss Angel? We were too late. It turns out, gravity defying Angel had already been approached before -- during George W. Bush years. MooPig was shocked what we found out:
Angel: "I was pursued by the Bush Administration to become a trainer for the Troops in Afghanistan," said Crisspy Critter Angle, which is his code name, that was later shortened to just Moses Poses.
MPW: Coincidentally: In November 2008, Angel began dating Hugh Hefner's former girlfriend Holly Madison. The relationship ended in February 2009.
A: "She wasn't my Girl 'Friend' -- she was my Girl 'Fred'," insists Angel in our interview. "Kind of like Sarah Palin was to McCain, you know, the other lady from Alaska, -- Holly was to be my twist when stories hit the news -- same idea," explained Angel.
MPW: "Were you attempting to be next in line with the top ten who might be replacements for Hugh Hefner?" asked MooPig correspondent.
A: "No, no, no, no" sang out Angel, supposedly to make sure we know he is not just another Yes man. "It was to be my international Playboy cover to be supposedly double timing with Holly."
MPW: "When you say No; do you really mean Yes? Since you are a top paid Illusionist in this
highly competitive entertainment business, it would seem you need to be more positive" we asked. "It could contrast your dark, childish charm image that follows you around."A: "No, no, no, no, ... well Yes and No," said Angel, and then pulled a ten penny nail out of our interviewer's head.
MPW: "I swear -- I see a magnet in your palm!!!" shouted our stunned interviewer.
A: "Nope, again, just this wine bottle cork that I will now plug that hole in your head," said Angel.
The cork, of course, turned into a levitating Aardvark. And to win our admiration with unprecedented prestige, Angel slapped the animal and it turned into Perez Hilton, who walked away on thin ice.
When it seemed our interview with Criss Angel would never accomplish anything we had partitioned it for.. Angel divulged some of the wishes the previous administration had burdened him with.
A: "Yes, Cheney himself picked me up May 2003, in his used US Army Land Limo Two, --[which I by-the-way, turned into US Army Land Lamborghini Two]--, and took me to Chi-Chi's Cabana for late lunch," explained Angel. "There he told me about President George W Bush's secret thoughts, revealed to him Cheney by the White House fireplace late one evening."
A: "Said Cheney back then, as I recall: 'The President asked me to contact you, Mr Angel, to find out if you use wires, or trick photography or is it all real?'" said Angel. "I remember because I almost choked on my ChimiChanga, and spewed shredded beef all over the vice-President."
MPW: "I thought you are a Vegetarian?" inquired MooPig.
A: "No, no, no, no, no, no.. who gave you that idea? Anyway, as I listened, I replied like any artist worth a damn, 'It is all Real,'" said Angel. "So, then VP Cheney said President Bush would like to talk with me in private."
"I had an appointment in the Oval Office with W. He asked me how I do that disappearing elephant thing, replacing the animal with an Army Tank... that's when I made his desk into a black hole, trimmed with jaw bones of asses," said Angel.
MPW: "Wow! and, how did that go over?"
A: "Well, my mistake was in falling back on the stability of the falling US Dollar, it didn't fare very well. In fact, it put a strain on the whole Iraq\Afghan training mission idea," said Angel almost whispering now. "It was a mistake to bring future events forward with W."
MPW: "Hunh?"
PHOTO: View of Angel's Resignation Letter --->
A: "Well it took about $4,968,75w,957,297,529.98 to put the Oval Office back together, with Steve Hawking's help -- and it proved that many things over in D.C. are so wrong on so many levels," explained Angel, "that I had to write a Resignation Letter before I even was given a job, and submit it before I left the Oval Office, resigning my appointment along with all my wires, mirrors and strings, thank you very much."
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We never heard about the desk incident. This is a major scoop for MooPig Enterprises.
Thank you for tuning in: Fly-overs of Air One? bizarre shopping scandals about sandals..? is the new puppy really a Japanese robot..? Unanswered news releases must be responded to by all the Resignation Letters from fall guys and gals.
And, there you have it -- is he Criss Angel codename Crisspy Critter Angle, or is he not the new Obama administration's behind-the-scenes court magician\ illusionist Fall Guy? I know I would like to have him on our team. NOT!
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Categories: Entertainment · Holly Madison · The Girls Next Door | Tagged: Criss Angel Mindfreak, E!, Holly and Criss Angel, Holly Breakup with Hef, Holly in Love with Criss Angel, Holly Madison and Hugh Hefner, Holly Madison at the Playboy Mansion, Holly Madison New Relationship, Hugh Hefner Girlfriend, Hugh Hefner Number One Girlfriend, Playboy Mansion, The Girls Next Door... oh brother did we ever hit bottom! You know, we really, really need to Optimize !!
