Poor Hefner will never get it Right ... and he is Running low on Time

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[Hefner PHOTO LINK]
Hefner Jilted Again...!
Retrieved by Pat Darnell  |   June 16, 2011   |   Bryan TX   |  [LINK]


Crystal Harris explains why she called off her wedding to Hugh Hefner - Celebrity Circuit - CBS News

"Hef's lifestyle isn't the most normal lifestyle," Crystal Harris, 25, told Ryan Seacrest on his radio show Wednesday. "This isn't the lifestyle for me, multiple girls around all the time, the Playboy lifestyle. I don't know. I just wanted to be true to myself."

Pictures: Celebrity splits
Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris' wedding called off











[PHOTO ET ONLINE]


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 http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-31749_162-20071328-10391698.html#ixzz1PQtO0f6u

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Don't Miss today's Feature: MooPig's First Ever "Hefner AWard 2008"

Be sure to click Music On in Slide Projector above... it defaults off !?!

ALASKANS in the News: It's all about Stories !!

PHOTO Right: Sarah Palin

PHOTO Left: Holly Madison

HEADS UP: "Being Alaskan could never be better than right Now!!"
Question: What is too cold and too dry to support plant-life?
Response: "I don't know: I'al -ask-a !! Yes we have a far afield winner for the Hefner Award. We cannot say how this is judged because we just made it up.. the category that is. But one of our writers, Bob, has been thinking on it for a while now. "I have been on this story since the '50's or '60's or so..." he said from his cubicle where he is buried under well-thumbed PB magazines.

Categorical Thumbs-Up and Hands DownWinner is: John S. McCain

• Far exceeds his Mentor, Hugh Hefner who is 85 -ish now, in glories
  
• Far exceeds Playboy wealthiest by marrying up as he has with Cindy Lou Hensley McCain
  
• Far exceeds divorced Playboy's categories
• Far exceeds wounded in war categories of Playboys, who normally are draft-dodgers anyway...
  
• Far exceeds taste in women mates, and States of mates
  
• Incubates other's ability to Romance the votes
  
• Far exceeds Highest held positions for longest stretches only to be nominated for Prez of USA categories....
  

Probably, most of you Playboys who buy PB Mag for the articles are not following us right now... but you might soon see the light as we pursue our cubicle Bob's first line of haberdashery !! For instance:

The challenge:
by "Everything you wanted to know about mooseburgers," Dan Gardner,
09.06.2008, The Ottawa Citizen

"And so it goes. I watched every night of the Republican convention and I still don't know what John McCain would do about climate change, the deficit, immigration or a dozen other burning issues but I did find out how he and Cindy met and fell in love and I learned that Sarah Palin's dad woke her at 3 a.m. to go hunting.

"Oh, and I discovered that Democrats hate ordinary Americans. Good to know." [Gardner, Dan; SOURCE]

"Aside from the partisan rancour John McCain promised to eliminate as soon as he finishes using it to get elected, the convention was dominated by the candidates' life stories. Like Olympic broadcasters, political consultants have learned focusing on the substance of the event -- whether pole-vaulting or policy-making -- isn't the best way to score with an audience. Stories are.

Stories about people. People who overcome tragedy and never lose faith. People whose high-school sweethearts stick with them through it all. People who never stop smiling, no matter how hard the road ahead. (Gardner, Dan; Ibid.)

MooPig Bob says: "Dan, It's a Playboy thing, heifers in the fields, fish in the sea... thingy, idiot's guide to lifestyle management stuff:"

Dan's BLOG Says: "...For one thing, the stories tend to be ersatz simply because real life stories are far too complicated and messy to be packaged and advertised.

"John McCain's story is as good as they come, full of courage and accomplishment, but it's also more human than the saccharine confection fed to the family values crowd Thursday night. Republicans would not, one assumes, have gone misty-eyed at the heartwarming tale of a married 42-year-old who leaves his first wife -- a woman who stuck by him through his five years as a prisoner of war -- for a 24-year-old beauty queen. And so in the tale told at the convention, the first wife was dropped down the Orwellian memory hole and, in her place, the audience was told the charming story of how, when John met Cindy, John told Cindy he was younger than he was and Cindy fibbed about being older.

"And with that little revision, the storytellers had their Hallmark moment.

"Is it offensive for me to raise details of John McCain's life which, I would agree, are irrelevant to McCain's candidacy? Well, that's another problem with this sort of marketing. It makes the candidate's life political. If the story about how John and Cindy met is political, so is the fact he was married."

PHOTO Right: John S. McCain cannot believe he has won the coveted "MooPig Hef 2008" and is the RNC Candidate for Prez all at the same time!

The winner this year gets a unique Bulgarian Baba Hood, express mailed from the user.

PHOTO Below: Cindy Lou Hensley McCain

UPDATED: Armchair Curmudgeons: You need help with this one?

"LIPSTICK on a Pit bull, Lipstick on a PIG !!! Charlotte, bring me the blunderbust'!"

PHOTO: Pit Bull

"You just might be an armchair curmudgeon if you cannot identify the thread connecting these Pictures."

REady? Okay here you go:

What is the difference between a Pit Bull and a Hockey Mom?

PHOTO: Gov Sarah Palin

"Have Alaska | Will Travel"

Sarah Palin

Here is your HINT: this article...
Holly Heartbroken: Hef Reveals Why She’ll Never Be His Wife

LOS ANGELES — Since she first laid eyes on the Playboy mogul in 2001, Hugh Hefner`s "lead" girlfriend Holly Madison has made it no secret that she wants to get hitched to the 82-year-old. But it seems the busty blonde is starting to give up on her dream.

“We are no closer to getting married than we were years ago,” a dejected Holly told Tarts at last week’s “Playmate of the Year” luncheon held at the iconic Mansion. “It’s like a car stalled at the side of the road.”

PHOTO: Typical Hockey Mom

While the 28-year-old glamour girl may still be holding out for a miraculous jump-start, she found it difficult to deal with her boyfriend’s thoughts on the situation as she sadly turned away while he spoke.

“I love Holly very much and I think we’re going to be together the rest of my life,” Hef said. “But marriage isn’t part of my puzzle. It’s not a personal thing; I just haven’t had much luck with marriages.”

But not only is the men’s magazine mogul refusing to commit to just one woman, he’s refusing to give up his passion of perusing pictures of beautiful (yet bare) bodies.

“I have no plans to retire,” Hefner added. “It’s the perfect combination of work and play that keeps you young. If I quit work it would be the beginning of the end for me.”

Speaking of endings, could his other two “Girls Next Door,” Bridget Marquardt and Kendra Wilkinson, also be getting ready to move on?

PHOTO: Holly Madison

“My goal is to be hosting my own show and be happily married with children, so I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately,” Bridget said.

Kendra added that her future plans also involve motherhood and marriage while at the same time she aspires to build up her brand name, so with her own label Kdub clothing ready to launch, it seems she’s well on the way to independence.

PHOTO: The Bangs Gang: HA!

And Now Heeeeeerreeee's the Honoreeee Armchair Curmudgeionist: da' VIEW-mistress Whoooooppppeeeeee...

View co-host Whoopi Goldberg must be as bored as I am with these last few days of hiatus as she has taken to her WowOwow blog for the second day in a row, this time to discuss John McCain’s Vice Presidential candidate selection, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin.

Whoopi wrote, “Well as I’m watching television this morning, it appears that John McCain may pick Gov. Sarah Palin, of Alaska, to appease all of those angry women — the ones who were going to vote for Hillary and then threatened to vote for John McCain — by just picking a woman. It’s expedient, and should make everybody feel better. After all, what do women actually know? They’ll pick any female, as long it’s not a guy. That kind of thinking is so insulting I don’t know what to say.”

Her blog entry also addressed comments that she received on her previous entry regarding Barack Obama’s nomination. You can read the full entry here.

I'm No Virgin: or do we start over after AD 2000?

This will be Short, by Pat Darnell

Hello Dear Patrons:
Believe you me I struggle for enlightenment. As of late, I have been noticing something: Change is constant. Last year at this time were concerns about global warming, a digital age, and other foreign occupations. Now a bigger picture is in the news, that WW III is on our horizon, so says the Bush Regime.

So be it. World War is a percentage thing: if over fifty percent of the nations are in a skirmish simultaneously because of "Have / Have Not" issues, well that spells World War.

WW II and counting... And at last count we ended number two around 1946-ish, or shouldn't we have a better name for this century? The following is an excerpted report about President 'Dubya' Bush's comments:

The Herald (Harare) OPINION 30 October 2007 Posted to web 30 October 2007 Scott Ritter Harare Zimbabwe: Bush's Delusions of World War Iii Disgraceful, Banal.... http://allafrica.com/stories/200710300378.html "...At a White House Press conference two weeks back, just in case you haven't heard, (United States) President (George W.) Bush informed the American people that he had told world leaders 'if you're interested in avoiding World War III, it seems like you ought to be interested in preventing (Iran) from having the knowledge necessary to make a nuclear weapon'.
...Pundits have raised their eyebrows and comics are busy writing jokes, but the
president’s reference to Armageddon, no matter how cavalierly uttered and subsequently brushed away, suggest an alarming context. ... There is still no official
policy in place within the administration concerning Iran. While a more sober-minded national security bureaucracy works to marginalise the hawkish posturing of the neo-cons, the administration has decided that the best policy is, in fact, no policy, which is a policy decision in its own right. ... A policy of no policy results in secret policy, which means, according to Hadley
himself, the Bush administration simply does whatever it wants to, regardless.
In the case of Iran, this means pushing for regime change in Tehran at any cost, even if it means World War III (Ritter, Scott, 30 Oct 2007)." Scott Ritter was a Marine Corps intelligence officer from 1984 to 1991 and a United Nations weapons inspector in Iraq from 1991 to 1998. This is part on an article that was first published on TruthDig.com

Some of you know, I am from the kindergarten class generation that actually practiced in the hallways at good old West University Elementary duck-ing and cover-ing. My classmates and I grew up in fear. Cold war or hot war, it is all the same to us.

It turns out, War Veterans tell us the real story: Most saying --"war is constant." Marines tell us it's the "Suck." Did not Jesus say it would be akin to being pushed through the eye of a needle to avoid persecution?

Scripture also points to the bigger war up there that is being fought between fallen angels and unfailing servants of God.

Hey! And still many people around the world talk about virgins... Moslem's on his Jihad looks for thirty or forty virgins after incinerating himself; wanton Catholics pray to virgins for intercession, Hefner preys upon them, and Buddhist... I don't know, I think he took bowls of milk and rice-pudding from several virgin maidens. Greeks.. never mind.

Moses talked about grass widows... Madonna exposes herself as quasi-virgin, and the web has Virgin copyrighted. Someone hit me if I'm wrong, but that just about covers everyone, except the Mormons, it came to pass, they like to marry a dozen or so of them all to one guy. Let's see, is their any other sect I can insult; maybe later I will think of other groups?

"I strongly suggest we not allow Geo Dubya' Bush to name the next world series of war after himself: VOW I instead of WW III..."

Virgins are so sought after, I think we should name the next War after them. The Virgin Of Wars -- or VOW I -- hey, we avoid the confusion of "www.com" and "WW III," and GWB ii, which are surely in conflict for those who might be trying to sort out acronyms. Besides it's catchy when the acronym says something else: "Yo, I VOW to kick you ass!"

Every new century should have a new character, new voice, new content. The 21st Century definitely begs a new style: thus beginVirgin Wars , supplanting three W's confusion! And I am relieved Dubya only had daughters... oops, now I've insulted all the groups.

Darnellism #1: It is Official -- We are now all Virgins reborn; We are imprinted via preceding Oval Office discussions since AD 2000.

References

And that is how one correlates world war to virginity -- Remember: MooPig Wisdom lives on with or without your support.

http://allafrica.com/stories/200710300378.html

www.amazon.com/How-Build-Nuclear-Bomb-Destruction/dp/1560256036 - 208k