INTRO, by JP
If the world were populated by people who really love music, feel it in their souls then, there would be no need for the music business.
The music business is and always has been about selling music to people who really don't give a rats ass for it.
From the git-go, hucksters have sought the "can't miss" story/ personality/ image/ look -- as their value added proposition.
Anything but music because, it's easier to sell than music.
Music isn't secondary, it's a loss leader.[Pribek.net]Running up our Standard
Simon Cowell is an Interesting personality, literally a composite of his remarks. Juxtaposed with Paula Abdul makes the plot happen. Similarly his creation American Idol, AI, is a combination of I've got a Secret, What's my Line, and the Gong Show. I have wondered how the concept was conveniently procured from old Ed McMahan's Star Search. Cowell's celebrity is a combo platter of Deniro, Rodney Dangerfield, and Oscar the Grouch. Now there's an idea, make the panel all three muppets.
Television analysts surely have answers for my questions, but I
have parody for them. What if MooPig moved in next door to American Idol and started my own Hog Ear Hootenanny Hunt? ...they might say, "How big is your audience;" and I would say, "How big is your Hog?"
Well he is some sort of Limey, so MooPig thinks he is too citified to tolerate Moink: What, however, does Simon say?
What would 'American Idol' be like without Simon Cowell? Bloody boring, if you ask us. Cotton Eyed Joy if you ask MooPig; Lawrence Welk, or just plan music... for once
The caustic critic regularly steals the spotlight from Randy, Paula and the struggling songbirds on the main stage with his brutal assessments. According to Forbes magazine, Cowell pulls down a hefty
$43 mil a year. You'd think that would be enough money to soften him up, but lucky for us, no such luck. Read on for some of the most memorable jabs and musings from the King of Mean...
"Let me have a choice, I'm going to work
in a coal mine for 14 hours a day or I'm going to be a runner-up on 'American Idol' -- give me a break, idiot. There's no pressure ... They're not working for a living, they're becoming famous .... No one is dragging these people on to the show ... This is a competition that if you do well, you're going to become famous -- end of story, if you don't like it, do something else." -- commenting on Clay Aiken's disclosure that he had started taking antidepressants to deal with the pressures of fame:
[PHOTO: Louis A.. simple Simon C will never be!!]
"I thought she was a stage-school brat when I first met her. But she's quite a nice girl. And she's our little Seabiscuit."
-- predicting Diana DeGarmo would win (she came in second to Fantasia Barrino) 'If you win this competition, we will have failed.''
-- to Jim Verraros, before he advanced to the semifinal round
'If "She was very cold. She could have been a robot for all the emotion or personality she put over. And she said something very stupid. She had a little bit of criticism, and she said: 'I'm not the slightest bit worried. We're all winners now. We're all going to have successful careers.' When she said it, I said, 'She's out.' Because America decides whether they're going to have successful careers. To say that was verging on arrogance."
-- on why LaToya London was eliminated
"That was a terrible impersonation of Elvis Presley. The dancing was hideous. It was just karaoke with a capital K."
-- to Taylor Hicks following a lukewarm performance of "Jailhouse Rock"
"We will take her under our wing for six months and we will produce a new Britney Spears [We'll] keep her away from her stupid friends [and] buy her some underwear."
-- explaining how 'American Idol' could have given Britney Spears an extreme makeover
"Oh, gosh, where do I start? I mean
I'm not being rude but you look like the Incredible Hulk's wife."
-- to a tuneless contestant whose green sweater is a fashion no-no
"I don't want babies the same way I wouldn't want a puppy. It's too much responsibility."
-- on why he'll never be father of the year
"I actually really like Donald Trump. I think he's entertaining. There are so many unhappy billionaires, and he's a happy one with a great sense of humor. I didn't think I'd like him. I like people [who] don't take themselves too seriously. " -- revealing he has an unlikely role model
"My attitude is, if someone's going to criticize me, tell me to my face. I find Paula patronizing. It's as simple as that. Paula is more damaging than I am to these contestants because a lot of people just shouldn't be singing for a living." -- taking another shot at Paula
"They [Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson] loved him. I couldn't stand him [Taylor Hicks] I didn't get it. At the end of the day you have to find a bona fide recording artist. Just because you win the show doesn't mean you will sell a lot of records. Chris [Daughtry] is the one who sold the albums, not Taylor."
-- confirming that no, he is not a fan of Taylor Hicks
"All we're doing is telling people who
don't have a chance in hell that they don't have a chance in hell."-- explaining his plain-talking methods:
"I was once offered money to judge somebody in bed, a couple. And I stupidly turned it down. It was about 100 grand, and I should have taken the money, because it would be a much more interesting story." -- admitting he missed a great opportunity:
[PHOTO: these are part of a Student Science / Art Exhibition, "Pig Tails," SOURCE is lost, unfortunately]
[PHOTO: Baby Boomers are sometimes called the Pig in the Python... here is a pig and a python... No Date/ Source Lost]
References
Macura, Rene, AP, 'I
Couldn'tStand Him' Simon Goes Off on Ex-,'Idol,' & Paula, Even His Own Babies: Ugliest Insults retrieved here:
