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Showing posts with label senior. Show all posts
Showing posts with label senior. Show all posts

Sunday, September 09, 2012

MooPig FWD Email Department :: "Senior Moments"

Get out Your Old Rubberized Rain~Coat
Retrieved by Pat Darnell | Sep 9, 2012 | Bryan TX
[Picture LINK]

from: laketravis.com
 September 3

Being Green

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."

The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were truely recycled.

But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our schoolbooks. This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags.

But too bad we didn't do the green thing back then.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throwaway kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

But that young lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smartass young person.

We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.

[Picture LINK]
___________________Reference
http://www.designeronline.com.au/products/Senior-Moments-Luggage-Tags-(Set-of-2).html
http://www.bilgebucket.com/?p=2278
http://www.bilgebucket.com/?tag=rnc


Monday, March 29, 2010

This Just In :: From Field Correspondent Gaetano "Guy" Visconti

We suggest you buy that Raincoat you always wanted
Retrieved by Pat Darnell

Guy Visconti  |  Chicago  | 03.28.2010
Just in Case You are a Senior and Get a Check for $250...
By end of this year, we seniors will again receive an Economic Stimulus payment. This is a very exciting program.
I'll explain it using the Q and A format:
------------ --------- ---------
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers..
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of Asia ?
A. Shut up or you don't get your check.


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
1. If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, your money will go to China .
2. If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to Saudi Arabia .
3. If you purchase a computer, it will go to India .
4. If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras or Guatemala .
5. If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea .
6. If you purchase useless plastic stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
7. If you pay off your credit cards, or buy stock, it will go to pay management bonuses and be hidden in offshore accounts.


Or, you can keep the money in America by:
1. spending it at yard sales or flea markets, or
2. going to baseball or football games, or
3. hiring prostitutes, or
4. buying cheap beer or
5. getting tattoos.
These are the only wholly-American- owned businesses still operating in the US .


Conclusion:
The best way to stimulate the economy is to go to a ball game with a prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day until you're drunk enough to go get tattooed.

thanks Guy. PD

Saturday, September 26, 2009

AARmRwP Approved Casual Wear for Senior Yids and Schmucks

John Cleese, Comedic Actor, has absolutely Nothing to do with Today's Post
by Pat Darnell

















Advanced Aged moopig Raunchy Retired white People, or AARmRwP -- yes MooPig's own unfunded Association of Anglican Retirees with Purpose has been on the prowl again. Pictures gathered by our Jilly on the spot, Wendy Bob, sent in these winners today.






Putried yellows and raunchy red letters spell it out for those who think they will one day excape the ravages of agedness.






We at MooPig are proud to showcase our AARmRwP. Do you have an entrant of your favorite indigestible "quip on a tee" from your aged relatives and friends? Send it to me patdarnell@aol.com , we'll print it.














YOIKS !!! This includes me, now, too !!!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Senior This...

My Little Amigah...
With this in mind, I bought myself a new scooter. I wanted something that was easy on gas and could zip me to the store and about town. This seems to meet my EVERY need.

Remember: Senior Citizens Are Valuable: We are more valuable than any of the younger generations: We have silver in our hair. We have gold in our teeth. We have stones in our kidneys. We have lead in our feet and. We are loaded with natural gas!

These fit so well they should be in the "Cloris Leachman Dictionary of Old Girls with the Walking Farts:"

ADULT: person who stopped growing at both ends and now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

and MY Personal Favorite!!


WRINKLES:
Something other people have,
similar to my character lines.

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