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Thursday, January 28, 2016

MooPig Anecdote Corner :: "Luigi, Luigi, Luigi..."

Mike Adkins

A older couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.
"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts" she said. The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said "Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself".
So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked "Do you shave?" "No" replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?" "Oh, yes" said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair department... very generously indeed.
The girl finished her bath and went to bed. Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him "Did you see it?" "Yes" he said "but why the hell did you have to show her yours". "Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before". "I know" he said "but the dart team hadn't!"
  • Mike Adkins My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his dental diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark haired boy with the same name had been in my secondary school class some 30-odd years ago.

    Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

    Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, grey haired man with the deeply lined face was far too old to have been my classmate.

    After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park secondary school. "Yes, yes I did. I'm a Morganner!" he beamed with pride.

    "When did you leave to go to college?" I asked. He answered. "1965. Why do you ask?" "You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

    He looked at me closely.

    Then the ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat arsed, grey haired, decrepit, bastard asked... "What subject did you teach?"
    22 hours ago · Like · 1
  • Mike Adkins An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. 

    The two gentlemen were talking, and one said "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would re
    commend it very highly." The other man said "What is the name of the restaurant?"

    The first man thought and thought and finally said "What's the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, that's the one" replied the man. 

    He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled "Rose... what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
    21 hours ago · Like · 1
  • Mike Adkins Luigi walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store twice every day. Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes. He wants those beautiful shoes so much... it's all he can think about.

    After about 2 months 
    he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.

    Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement. Luigi seizes this opportunity to wear his new Armani's for the first time.

    He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her "Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?" Taken aback, Sophia replies "Yes, Luigi, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?" Luigi answers "I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes. How do you like them?"

    Next he asks Rosa to dance and after a few minutes he asks "Rosa do you wear white panties tonight?" Rosa answers "Yes, Luigi, I do, but how do you know that?" He replies "I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes... how do you like them?"

    Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Luigi asks Carmela to dance. Midway through the dance his face turns red. He states "Carmela, be stilla my heart. Please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight. Please, please, tella me this true!"

    Carmela smiles coyly and answers "Yes Luigi, I wear no panties tonight..." Luigi gasps "Thanka God... I thought I had a CRACK in my $300 Armani leather shoes!"
    21 hours ago · Like · 1

    Mike Adkins A newly retired cop was walking down the street, on his way to a retired cops breakfast, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for a meal. The retired cop took out his wallet, extracted a twenty dollar bill and asked the guy "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of food?" "No, I had to stop drinking many years ago when I was a cop" the homeless man replied.

    "You were once a cop?" "Yes" the homeless man replied. "On the force for 12 years, until I was fired for drinking on duty and I lost my retirement after wrecking a patrol car the same day".

    "Will you use this $20 to only buy donuts and coffee instead of buying nutritious food?" "No, I don't waste time with sugary foods" the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive and eat as well as I can".

    "Will you spend this $20 on green fees at a golf course instead of good food?" "Are you nuts?" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years since I was fired from the force".

    "Will you spend the money on a woman over in the red light district instead of buying good food?" "What disease would I get for a lousy twenty bucks? I hate whores" exclaimed the homeless man.

    "Well" said the retired cop "I'm not going to give you the money now. Instead, I'm going to take you to a terrific cops breakfast around the corner and get you to tell the retired cops your story, then you get the money".

    The homeless man was astounded. "Won't these officers be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting, man". The retired cop replied "That's okay. It's important for them all to see what a cop looks like after he has given up beer, donuts, golf and sex".
    22 hours ago · Like · 1

    Thanks Mike.

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