MooPig Anecdote Corner :: "Luigi, Luigi, Luigi..."

Mike Adkins

A older couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts" she said. The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said "Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself".

So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked "Do you shave?" "No" replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?" "Oh, yes" said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair department... very generously indeed.

The girl finished her bath and went to bed. Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him "Did you see it?" "Yes" he said "but why the hell did you have to show her yours". "Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before". "I know" he said "but the dart team hadn't!"

on Thursday · Dayton, OH

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• Michael J. Bernard, Kathy Linderman-Frisch and 2 others like this.
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  Mike Adkins My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his dental diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark haired boy with the same name had been in my secondary school class some 30-odd years ago.
  
  Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?
  
  Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, grey haired man with the deeply lined face was far too old to have been my classmate.
  
  After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park secondary school. "Yes, yes I did. I'm a Morganner!" he beamed with pride.
  
  "When did you leave to go to college?" I asked. He answered. "1965. Why do you ask?" "You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
  
  He looked at me closely.
  
  Then the ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat arsed, grey haired, decrepit, bastard asked... "What subject did you teach?"

  22 hours ago · Like · 1
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  Mike Adkins An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. 
  
  The two gentlemen were talking, and one said "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly." The other man said "What is the name of the restaurant?"
  
  The first man thought and thought and finally said "What's the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, that's the one" replied the man. 
  
  He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled "Rose... what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

  21 hours ago · Like · 1
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  Mike Adkins Luigi walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store twice every day. Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes. He wants those beautiful shoes so much... it's all he can think about.
  
  After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.
  
  Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement. Luigi seizes this opportunity to wear his new Armani's for the first time.
  
  He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her "Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?" Taken aback, Sophia replies "Yes, Luigi, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?" Luigi answers "I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes. How do you like them?"
  
  Next he asks Rosa to dance and after a few minutes he asks "Rosa do you wear white panties tonight?" Rosa answers "Yes, Luigi, I do, but how do you know that?" He replies "I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes... how do you like them?"
  
  Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Luigi asks Carmela to dance. Midway through the dance his face turns red. He states "Carmela, be stilla my heart. Please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight. Please, please, tella me this true!"
  
  Carmela smiles coyly and answers "Yes Luigi, I wear no panties tonight..." Luigi gasps "Thanka God... I thought I had a CRACK in my $300 Armani leather shoes!"

  21 hours ago · Like · 1

  
  

  Mike Adkins A newly retired cop was walking down the street, on his way to a retired cops breakfast, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for a meal. The retired cop took out his wallet, extracted a twenty dollar bill and asked the guy "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of food?" "No, I had to stop drinking many years ago when I was a cop" the homeless man replied.
  
  "You were once a cop?" "Yes" the homeless man replied. "On the force for 12 years, until I was fired for drinking on duty and I lost my retirement after wrecking a patrol car the same day".
  
  "Will you use this $20 to only buy donuts and coffee instead of buying nutritious food?" "No, I don't waste time with sugary foods" the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive and eat as well as I can".
  
  "Will you spend this $20 on green fees at a golf course instead of good food?" "Are you nuts?" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years since I was fired from the force".
  
  "Will you spend the money on a woman over in the red light district instead of buying good food?" "What disease would I get for a lousy twenty bucks? I hate whores" exclaimed the homeless man.
  
  "Well" said the retired cop "I'm not going to give you the money now. Instead, I'm going to take you to a terrific cops breakfast around the corner and get you to tell the retired cops your story, then you get the money".
  
  The homeless man was astounded. "Won't these officers be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting, man". The retired cop replied "That's okay. It's important for them all to see what a cop looks like after he has given up beer, donuts, golf and sex".

  22 hours ago · Like · 1

  
  

  Thanks Mike.

Politics and Politicians :: A Conversation about Brinkmanship

Retrieved from faceBook by Pat Darnell | July 10, 2011 | Bryan TX

Anthony Teoli
Since the CBO says that ending the Bush ERA tax cuts would alone balance the budget by 2015, I hope that Democrats stand firm. If the Republicans trash the economy, thier friends suffer to. I doubt like hell that the Tea Baggers are going to provide the cash that the rest of thier friends do. Even the piece of shit Koch brothers will lose some dough. STAND TALL DEMOCRATS!
21 hours ago via Mobile Web · Like ·
2 people like this.

Cheryl Petrovich They ARE!!
13 hours ago · Like

Patrick Darnell Somewhere I read "entitlements and taxes" ... doesn't this belie the real players in this debate debacle? These plush pussy politicians will 'hemmm-hawww" until the cows come home. Delay tactics and acting all balustrade make me want to throw up my dinner.
The real players are people like the "sons of millionaires, and Parisk Hiltons" who make it cozy for the amber loving Politicians. Next year we will still be wondering what the frakk happened to the budget ... blistering away in here about taxes and "real entitlements" that should have been taken care of "this weekend!!!!!" BASTARDS AND TURDS.
24 minutes ago · Like

Anthony Teoli Patrick you are so right. There will suspense for a while. After the debt celing is raised, then we have the 2012 budget to look forward to. Remember the White House budget for 2011 before the right wing brinksmanship about closing down governmnet, the white house wanted to cut 50 percent out of home heating assistance. I am not jumping to conclusions, but I really think for the poor, things are going to get tougher in this country. The rich, how the hell are they going to know the difference one way or the other. The meak may be promised the Earth, but in America the meak get to choose one side of power and defend it, while demonizing the other. The joke is on us.
16 minutes ago · Unlike · 1 person

Patrick Darnell Brinksmanship ... cool word. I hate as much as anyone to be the brunt of jokers... yes I do actually hate it... the real issue is "how to micro-manage Poverty" for the next decade? as you point out.
I am caught in the MIDDLE, like a gasping newborn calf, trying to find my legs before I am devoured by wolves. YIKES!
Your summary: "The joke is on us." well said.
11 minutes ago · Like · 1 person

Patrick Darnell Q: Why is an elephant gray?

A: So we won't mistake him for a bluebird.
2 minutes ago · Like

Anthony Teoli Sometimes some blue birds have a great memory and a trunk. Thats when I get nervous.
4 minutes ago · Like

[PICTURE LINK]

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Never Use this Word, ...Definitely

According to a new study, "definitely" is the most misspelled word in English. *[This might be the Queen's English, and not American English though, since "manoeuvre" also made the list.]*

Also on the list were broccoli, phlegm, bureaucracy, indict, consensus, unnecessary, sacrilegious and prejudice.

General opinion surrounding the poll seems to blame text messaging for our inability to spell. You know, because people are always TEXT-ing the words "bureaucracy" and "sacrilegious." Spell check perhaps could shoulder a little blame, but typing OMG into your phone is not automatically the same thing as not being able to spell words correctly.

[Source Misplaced] Retrieved by PD

Part 5: Vacationing like the Kennedy's -- Staycation

It is highly possible that the Fitzgerald/Kennedy family union should have stayed home, like a Staycation. I think the public appearances did no more than give loathsome murderers target practice.

Marriage and children -- Look at this line up of misery -- 9 children... three living, two died of "natural conditions." Four died of unnatural and suspicious circumstances.

On October 7, 1914 Rose married Joseph P. Kennedy, Sr. after a courtship of more than seven years. They first lived in a home in Brookline that is now the John Fitzgerald Kennedy National Historic Site. Rose and Joseph had the following nine children:

Name	Birth	Death	Achievements	Marriage	Cause of death
Joseph Patrick Kennedy, Jr.	July 25, 1915	August 12, 1944	United States Navy aviator		Naval airplane crash on August 12, 1944 over the English Channel
John Fitzgerald Kennedy	May 29, 1917	November 22, 1963	United States Representative (1947-1953) United States Senator (1953-1960) President of the United States (1961-1963)	September 12, 1953 to Jacqueline Lee Bouvier.	Assassinated on November 22, 1963 in Dallas, Texas
Rosemary Kennedy	September 3, 1918	January 7, 2005	Underwent a lobotomy in 1941 which left her incapacitated; she was institutionalized from 1949 until her death.		Natural causes
Kathleen Agnes Kennedy	February 20, 1920	May 13, 1948	Marchioness of Hartington	Married on May 6, 1944 to William Cavendish, Marquess of Hartington.	Airplane crash over Sainte-Bauzille, Ardèche, France.
Eunice Mary Kennedy	July 10, 1921		Founder of Special Olympics	Married on May 23, 1953 to Robert Sargent Shriver.
Patricia Kennedy	May 6, 1924	September 17, 2006		Married on April 24, 1954 to British actor Peter Lawford; divorced in 1966.	Complications from pneumonia
Robert Francis Kennedy	November 20, 1925	June 6, 1968	United States Attorney General (1961-1964), United States Senator (1965-1968)	Married on June 17, 1950 to Ethel Skakel	Assassinated on June 5, 1968 in Los Angeles, California.
Jean Ann Kennedy	February 20, 1928		United States Ambassador to Ireland (1993-1998)	Married on May 19, 1956 to Stephen Edward Smith.
Edward Moore Kennedy	February 22, 1932		United States Senator (1962-present)	Married on November 29, 1958 to Joan Bennett; divorced on December 6, 1982. Remarried in 1992 to Victoria Reggie.

Rose was predeceased by her husband, Joseph, in 1969, and four of her nine children: Joseph Jr. in 1944, Kathleen in 1948, John F. in 1963 and Robert in 1968. Just eight months after John F. was assassinated, Rose's mother, Mary, died at the age of 98.

Rosemary Kennedy died on January 7, 2005 at the age of 86 and Patricia Kennedy Lawford died on September 17, 2006 at the age of 82, both from natural causes. As of April 2008, only three children are still living: 86-year old Eunice Kennedy Shriver, 80-year old Jean Kennedy Smith and 76-year-old Senator Edward "Ted" Kennedy.

The word for May 23 is staycation

A vacation that is spent at one's home enjoying all that home and one's home environs have to offer.

Even though I live and work in New York, I don't always get to enjoy all it has to offer, what with my work commitments, but I sure did have an awesome time here during my spring staycation.

• Check out the new Mo' Urban Dictionary,
• multislacking: doing multiple slackeresque things concurrently
• workahol: what workaholics are addicted to
• foreploy: misrepresenting yourself on a date in hopes of getting lucky