MooPig Report from the Middle :: Idle Chat back in the Day

Back in the day, the 60's through the 80's men had a very different role in American society. When men of this era were recruited for jobs they had to make a decision to be part of the machine, or not. IBM for instance made their dress code look like Men in Black. Technicians wore black suit, black thin tie, and black Oxfords.

Men in the office were dressing like you see in the TV series Mad Men. Everyone who did not join the machine and work for the Man, was dressing in tie die and jeans. In other words what you wore described your social leanings. Thus, was my Dad, progressive JFK/LBJ all the Way, 60's mad man of the century.

"What's the good word," my Dad would say often to open up a conversation.

Another of Dad's openers was, "In the future people will stand in line for everything."

And it wasn't about ambition, it was about playing the game. Either you were in, or you were out. Curmudgeons not accepted. There was no time to dilly dally about your role in the game. And the game had a beginning, a middle, and an end. Be prepared, like a good Scout.

So when I met his buddies I always said, "How's it going? Are you in the money?"

But, what is happening today?

There is a kind of speed of thought disruption in today's rhetoric; and this new speed has no limits. It is leading to impatience in people who are tired of the old crappy sayings. Why don't we see any improvements? I think it is because we are not yet twenty years into our new century. After which rhetoric will catch up with itself. Things candidates are saying today in debates and press opportunities consist of old archaic, troubled dumbo jumbo.

We are ready for a new vision, and for a quick end to old bullshit. Let's play leap frog and go directly to newer business models. Forget about old money, and move on to generation "Do It!" F12 that motha, and put a new hat on it. It is time for a happenin' that won't depend on brain-washed outmoded politicians and their minions.

"It" is on the horizon, but looks like it will only take place in the 2020's. Too much trash to remove today. And lots of excuses put out there by mouth pieces. So be patient-kind and DON'T rewind!

CONCLUSION
So, dear reader, are you in or are you out? And how you gonna' dress to prove your convictions? If you equate old times with stodgy old worn out platitudes, you might get left behind in the 2020's.

We are working on our speech that will summarize our near future. It will be something like leap frogging alternate living self-sufficiency on a five acre plot essay.

And that is our Report from the Middle this Sunday afternoon where the women are strong, the men are good looking, and the children are above average ... thank you Garrison.

Accurate Blogs -- that's an oxymoron

Andy Rooney on Older Women, with epilogue by Benjamin Franklin
by Susan Reimer, Baltimore Sun, and others, 10.2005

Subject: Women over Forty

You may have seen this one in your FWD/fwd email, it was collected way back in 2003, 5 years floating around in matrices of Bruce Willis's and Keanu Reeves's heads, till today it becomes reality [you can click here to see the email versions]

PHOTO: Andy Rooney circa 1940's----}

Origins: Andy Rooney, the curmudgeonly commentator who closes every Sunday broadcast of television's 60 Minutes news magazine with a (typically sardonic) essay about some aspect of everyday life, is — thanks to the Internet — as well-known for what he hasn't said as he is for what he really has said. The piece quoted above, an essay "In Praise of Older Women," is another portion of his "hasn't said" fame.

This item was not penned by Andy Rooney; it is an embellished version of a piece created by Frank Kaiser, a columnist whose Suddenly Senior articles are published on his web site and syndicated to a variety of newspapers across the U.S.

Baltimore Sun writer Susan Reimer contacted Andy Rooney, who told her:

"It just bugs me that anybody would put my name on something I didn't write," said Rooney from his New York office. He's been the object of this kind of hoax before, and another, he said, had just crossed his desk.

I asked him if he shared the author's affection for older women, and he said, "Not particularly."

In October 2005, in his weekly 60 Minutes commentary, Andy Rooney said this of the piece:

A saccharine collection of comments called ‘ANDY ROONEY ON OLDER WOMEN’ has had wide circulation. I was pleased by how many people wrote to say they didn't believe I wrote it.

The true author, Frank Kaiser, had this to say about the misattribution:

I actually wrote it in 2000 but about a year ago [i.e., in 2002], I started seeing it come back to me in e-mails attributed to Andy Rooney. It didn't bother me too much. That's sort of the nature of the Internet. I wrote him and made a joke about it and he called me. You know, he's just as cantankerous on the phone as he is on the air.

Of course, a celebrated encomium about older women was penned by a famous American statesman over 250 years earlier, when Benjamin Franklin wrote the piece known to us as "Old Mistresses' Apologue":

June 25. 1745

My dear Friend,

I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons against entering into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:
1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor'd with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc'd may be attended with much Inconvenience.

4. Because thro' more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin'd to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.

8thly and Lastly They are so grateful!!

Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely Your affectionate Friend.

"He who is jealous of every wrinkle in another's nose, is conscious of a stink in his own britches." - B. Franklin, 'Fart Proudly'

Retrieved today, 06.11.2008, AM, by MooPig Wisdom as a service to its tired and eye sore readers who want to know the truth about Andy Rooney and his fetishes --
Snopes 15 September 2007
The URL for this page is http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/rooney2.asp

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This material may not be reproduced without permission.
snopes and the snopes.com logo are registered service marks of snopes.com. Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. 22 May 2003. Rooney, Andy. "60 Minutes: Weekly Commentary." CBS. 23 October 2005.