Kodachrome, Mrs Robinson...?

Retrieved by Pat Darnell  |  Feb 18, 2012  |  Bryan TX

[Photo LINK]


[A story by Pamela Norman]  ... "Just read this in another group and just couldn't resist......"

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs.. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me.. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with..'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away..'
'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs.. Smith fainted!

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This looks kind of Anime, Jungist... Flavorist

Hey I like this idea: take the first sentence of every blog for each month of 2007. Idea found in "erinya_dhaunae" living log. ( http://erinya-dhaunae.livejournal.com/ )

So here goes.
Here following is January 2007 MooPigWisdom [abridge-ment]

I have been closely involved with operation from the git-go. 01/02 Tues d2r2

Welcome Compadres, Confidantes, and Co-conspirators:I have some questions; I hope you have an answer. 01/03 Wed MPW

I..think Patrick Swayze only played football 'cause he liked wearing the tight pants. 01/03 Capo

Mr. and Mrs. Capotosto took me in when they didn’t have to. 01/08 MPW

It is difficult to express the price we pay to experiment with fate. 01/19 MPW

Many of my classmates have had similar experiences to the following account:
“It was said through out the management ranks that I had a knack for getting my staff to perform well and even a better knack for dealing with guests, especially disgruntled or irate guests. 01/26 MPW patrick.darnell

Please direct your attention to the following, and respond at your earliest convenience. 01/31

Dear George Bush: (either one)

Open letter to the commander-in-chief and the Prince of Elements of the cowboy republic formerly known as the USA:

Re: CCD, WMD and Big Dicks of Texas and surrounding states, water and Prince of the elements

cc: H. Clinton "Beware the leaven of Men"

Dear George Bush, either one:
CCD is the real enemy of this country; we are not hit men for the Saudis.

The Department of Justice should put some of its resources into fighting the microbes of Cascading Colony Disorder, CCD, and save some bees before looking for WMD, weapons of mass destruction.

Let me explain: since you are a rancher, it is in your best Geo Bush interest to control the forces of nature. That Katrina mess should have given you a clue.

Item One: You have the technology and the purpose, and the funds to make it rain in Iraq, Iran and all those screwed up mid-east countries.

• Seed the atmosphere like you have been doing here in Texas

Make it rain hard in the desert

• Iraqis have no experience with water and will surely have a revolutionary reaction


• Water will bring "flowers to the desert."

Item Two: Moslem's and Arabians have been living centuries in a region where they have no water. They therefore develop from childhood with less water and green vegetation than the rest of the world. Having little water makes a population smaller, and weaker. Most evident is a lack of zinc in the diets of arid domiciled populations. It turns out:

No zinc in diet results in smaller average penis size

• Smaller male genitals makes males less able to please females


• Males must resort to extreme repression to hold onto their females

Now I thought every big dick Texan knew this. Especially the Bushes, since they are such big Texans. Or are they? Either way it is in the Commanders' best interest to make rain in Iraq, let those hapless people in on the secrets of happiness: Cool Clear Water, and normal, functional sexual activity, with big, water filled, strong women like Anna Nic-Smith.

Poor women of Arabia... I feel their pain!! (could have been said-- Sen. H. Clinton)

Once you have put water into sheep dip hideouts for despots, latrines and hovels... maybe the culture will discover chairs and quit eating off dirt floors that are becoming damp. Just ask your untapped constituency west of the Allegheny mountains, and East of the Rockies:

Midwesterners are sick of going into police actions in 700+ countries and trying to remedy the eating, hygiene and sewer problems with police action. Our troops have become sitting ducks for the last time, Mr. President... oh, you are a lame duck yourself, sorry forgot.

More water, more rain, just spray the stratosphere with the stuff you have been putting in the sky above Texas and Midwest. I guess I am trying to say as your peer George: Don't be such a fool -- scripture says the enemy is subdued by the Prince of Elements... so seize the day and make it rain on those poor bastards. You are the Prince of Elements, and you don't even know it?

Remember if you don't take care of the CCD in bee colonies soon, you won't have any Angus on your dinner plate. And if I find out you are a drugstore cowboy, who doesn't know the condition of his own pasture sod, I might have to ask my fellow Texans to consider censure on your doings. I get the feeling you don't realize Bonanza was a fictitious TV show.

Yours, with warm regards,

Patrick Darnell, BS BA Management, CTU, Trinity University Alumnus

"The roughest road often leads to the top." Christina Aguilera

"I was 23, and he was 86. I saw a very sick man. I just wanted to just talk with him. There was no physical attraction at all. He was very much attracted to me. ...Vickie Lynn Hogan is my birth certificate's name." Anna Nicole Smith