Found: WMD's

by Pat Darnell, Adler Peabody, and others


"It has been staring us in the faces for the whole time..."

Yep, right there on the brows of all old hairy men in the Mideast, Afghanistan, Dubai and in some East European Countries: EYEBROWS

"It came to me when My wife leapt up on my chest with a tweezers in her hand, and said: 'I'm going to pluck those deadly weapons!'"


Said former Secretary to the Deputy Assistant, Adler Peabody, "I called my old department and they called the Iraqi Front. Suddenly as if scales were falling from the eyes of our fighting men and women -- it became clear where the Weapons of Mass Destruction had been hiding all these years," recanted Adler.

Sec Peabody had resigned his post 18 months ago after having been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. His revelation came as he is in recovery under care at the Veterans Hospital in Wisconsin. "I have been given some new revolutionary drugs for my disorder," he said.

You see the truth is that as the hairline recedes, the eyebrows become more 'aggressive' so to speak. See for yourselves in the photo's left.

The State Department has no comment for us today. Our intelligence reports have been able to trace the 'brilliant hiding place' all the way back to the Irish Republican Army, the IRA, when some collaboration between IRA Sleeper Cells and Muslim Deep Napping Cells took place in Irish Pubs around the world.

"Yeah, ya bloody Wanker," explains one old timer IRA Operative, Paddy OMalley, now owner Bar Man at the Corner Pull. "We used to put WMD's on the hairy parts on the back of our hands. Then at some point we would back-hand those Muslim brothers in the eye."

"Do you remember any particulars?" asked MooPig Correspondent.

"Mind ya, this was before Carter Days over in the States. We didn't have any of that hot-spot, bloody laptop hook ups, or this tea-sippin' coffee-sluggin' potato-brain nightmares..." OMalley was beside himself and couldn't go on.

Our correspondent took another look around the Corner Pull. There were no laptops or coffee cups around. The place still had heavy timbers coated with beer splash, and wooden planked floors with huge blood stains, and peanut shells ground into it as a sort of patina. "From the looks of it, you have kept the place looking very authentic, Mr OMalley," said our correspondent.

"Yes, of course, ya Bugger. So anyways, one evening, A Nun, a Priest and a Sheik all walked into this here Corner Pull. I was sitting right here that night, too. And right after them in walks the New Zealand All Blacks, and the Ireland Rugby Club fresh from a draw game that lasted two days. It had been the whisper that a very large shipment of WMD'd were to be transferred that night."

"And..."

"Oh, yeah, the first thing the Bar Man said to me, 'Is this some kind of a joke?'" said OMalley, chuckling to himself.

"And the brawl that ensued was a remarkable thing to watch, if ya' survived. There's even a song sung to this day at most IRA and IRC meets about that night. You see, the Nun, well -- she were no lady."

Next Week: The Song