FWD :: FWD Email; the LORD'S Baseball Game -- Continued -- Part Three

Ah--the Irish are so logical!
The Irish Millionaire

Mick, from Dublin ,appeared on
'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire'
and towards the end of the program
had already won 500,000 pounds.


"You've done very well so far,"
said Chris Tarrant,
the show's presenter,
"but for a million pounds
you've only got one life-line left â€â€€œ
phone a friend.
Everything is riding on this question.....
will you go for it?"

"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"

"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?

a) Sparrow

b) Thrush,

c) Magpie,

d) Cuckoo?"

"I haven't got a clue." said Mick,

''so I'll use last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin ."

Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.

"Fookin hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple.......
It's a cuckoo."
"Are you sure?"

"I'm fookin sure."

Mick hung up the phone and told Chris,
"I'll go wit Cuckoo as my answer."

"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.

"Dat it is, Sir."

There was a long - long pause, and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer!
Mick, you've won 1 million pounds!"

The next night,
Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.

"Tell me, Paddy?
How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?"

"Because he lives in a Fookin clock!"

Arthur Guiness 1759 - 2009

Guinness: 250 years of craic ...Craic is an Irish term meaning merriment.
by Mike R.
September 24, 2009 10:51 AM EDT (Updated: September 24, 2009 11:05 AM EDT)

250 years ago today, Arthur Guinness signed a 9,000-year lease on his Dublin brewery at St. James's Gate. Guinness began as a unique Irish brand of beer - and still is distinctly Irish, although it is now a worldwide brand owned by beer and liquor giant Diageo. [SOURCE]


I remember when I used to think Guinness was a thick, filling brew, and didn't like it very much. It wasn't until I went to a Guinness promotional event maybe 7 or 8 years ago and drank a fair amount of the black stuff that I appreciated its flavor and surprising lightness. There was nothing better than enjoying several pints in the Old Country during my trip to Ireland in the summer of 2008.

So let's all raise a pint o' the black stuff to Arthur Guinness on this great day! (by Mike R., 09.26.2009, retrieved in its entireity HERE)

Found: WMD's

by Pat Darnell, Adler Peabody, and others


"It has been staring us in the faces for the whole time..."

Yep, right there on the brows of all old hairy men in the Mideast, Afghanistan, Dubai and in some East European Countries: EYEBROWS

"It came to me when My wife leapt up on my chest with a tweezers in her hand, and said: 'I'm going to pluck those deadly weapons!'"


Said former Secretary to the Deputy Assistant, Adler Peabody, "I called my old department and they called the Iraqi Front. Suddenly as if scales were falling from the eyes of our fighting men and women -- it became clear where the Weapons of Mass Destruction had been hiding all these years," recanted Adler.

Sec Peabody had resigned his post 18 months ago after having been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. His revelation came as he is in recovery under care at the Veterans Hospital in Wisconsin. "I have been given some new revolutionary drugs for my disorder," he said.

You see the truth is that as the hairline recedes, the eyebrows become more 'aggressive' so to speak. See for yourselves in the photo's left.

The State Department has no comment for us today. Our intelligence reports have been able to trace the 'brilliant hiding place' all the way back to the Irish Republican Army, the IRA, when some collaboration between IRA Sleeper Cells and Muslim Deep Napping Cells took place in Irish Pubs around the world.

"Yeah, ya bloody Wanker," explains one old timer IRA Operative, Paddy OMalley, now owner Bar Man at the Corner Pull. "We used to put WMD's on the hairy parts on the back of our hands. Then at some point we would back-hand those Muslim brothers in the eye."

"Do you remember any particulars?" asked MooPig Correspondent.

"Mind ya, this was before Carter Days over in the States. We didn't have any of that hot-spot, bloody laptop hook ups, or this tea-sippin' coffee-sluggin' potato-brain nightmares..." OMalley was beside himself and couldn't go on.

Our correspondent took another look around the Corner Pull. There were no laptops or coffee cups around. The place still had heavy timbers coated with beer splash, and wooden planked floors with huge blood stains, and peanut shells ground into it as a sort of patina. "From the looks of it, you have kept the place looking very authentic, Mr OMalley," said our correspondent.

"Yes, of course, ya Bugger. So anyways, one evening, A Nun, a Priest and a Sheik all walked into this here Corner Pull. I was sitting right here that night, too. And right after them in walks the New Zealand All Blacks, and the Ireland Rugby Club fresh from a draw game that lasted two days. It had been the whisper that a very large shipment of WMD'd were to be transferred that night."

"And..."

"Oh, yeah, the first thing the Bar Man said to me, 'Is this some kind of a joke?'" said OMalley, chuckling to himself.

"And the brawl that ensued was a remarkable thing to watch, if ya' survived. There's even a song sung to this day at most IRA and IRC meets about that night. You see, the Nun, well -- she were no lady."

Next Week: The Song

Teasippers are Number One in the Nation, Again!!

No, Not that AUSTIN --

Austin, Texas, is famous for its parties. People flock from around the world to attend events like the annual South by Southwest film and music festival. And when they get there, chances are they make like the locals and throw back a few cold ones--because Austin may be the hardest-drinking city in America.

Austin ranks high for its drinking habits across the board. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's (CDC's) 2007 Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System Survey, 61.5% of adult residents say they have had at least one drink of alcohol within the past 30 days, and a staggering 20.6% of respondents confess to binge drinking, or having five or more drinks on one occasion. (Retrieved HERE: Forbescom)

Where's the Nearest Bar? (Retrieved here: Walletpop.com)

If you're wondering which cities are known for partying the hardest, look no further than Forbes' list of the drunkest cities in America. From Providence to San Francisco, there is a hard-partying city in just about every corner of the U.S.

To determine the cities with the highest alcohol consumption, Forbes examined data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's 2007 Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System Survey. (Walletpop)

Coming in second on the list is Milwaukee. This city, known as "the nation's watering hole," has a long reputation as a city built on beer. It was once the nation's top beer-producing city, home to four of the world's largest breweries: Schlitz, Pabst, Miller and Blatz. Legendary sitcom characters Laverne and Shirley fixed bottle caps on one of the city's assembly lines. Even the town's baseball team--the Brewers--reflects its boozy past. (Retrieved HERE: Forbescom)

Rounding out the top five hardest-drinking cities are San Francisco; Providence, R.I.; and Chicago.

[HERE 's a related Article; Eulogy for the Pub,Paul Maidment 07.01.08]

Parallel Parking in Austin might prove fatal, but nevertheless --

It must be Pub Day here at the MooPig early morning no news department. Everyone is waiting for the big Olympics Opening Day, we suppose. So we switch over now to the Hugh Downs Boys eat up Beijing.... HUGH?

PHOTO: Date : 2006.02.08 morning Hi. Here's a little pix i took near my favourite buffet, Fanni. The guy was on a party whole night on Hajógyári island. You can imagine how high he was on amphetamine and booze.

He left in the morning and started driving on the wharf while listening to techno music. He joined to Szentendrei road and was speeding at 150 km/h in heavy traffic. He tried to sneak through a red light on Flórián circus, but had partial collisions with some vehicles and got tossed to the wrong lane.

There he had a full frontal collision with a truck,- spinned, wrecked the bike of a buffet guest, and landed in the pub with the side. Now the front side of the pub is boarded up, and there's a sign " Open 24H, use door on the right". (i send pic if you need). The innkeeper was injured by splinters of broken glass. The driver was taken to a hospital. 4 vehicles were taken by trailer.

Show Me the Stardust! Subjectivity of Music: Record you guys, RECORD! More Recordings, Now!

Honestly, the first time I heard Bob Dylan "perform" I was as happy as the day I learned I have to defecate everyday I am alive. I was suddenly the outsider, like Ayla the banished blonde in Clan of the Cave Bear novel series by J.M. Auel. "This is what I have to listen to if I am going to be a cool insider with the girls and guys?" thought I, at the tender age of 12.

Okay, such a reaction deserves some explanation. So, I did some research; this one took a long time. I'd say about 48 seconds later, I realized that Rap did the same to me and caused lower bowel reactions as well.

It turns out, Scatological Music might not be a category at Best Buy, however, I am here to witness and comment, so here it is.

Rap is the new Dylan that burgeons from Irish Pub scat.

Folk music has been coming to us in the present through the outhouses of time for centuries. How we sing and play is only a reverberation of what has been, and the useless sound bytes of what it is today. Today, however it is not live stuff, rather recordings and those recordings go on forever, remashed and sampled.

If you are a musician and you don't record, then you will only become the sunbeam that propels some apish mimick into stardom. You want examples? Here:

From the annals of myspace we get this stuff: "Roger Daughtry Keith Richards Anthony Kiedis Twiggy Jack White Dave Navarro Hugh Laurie And some dead people that I wish were alive... John Lennon ... 'If you think holding hands is all in the figers, grab hold of the soul where the memory lingers.' Megan, Female 20 years old Savannah, GEORGIA United States on myspace ?????

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=5432890

(spell check, dear one) Hey wait, those guys aren't all dead yet!

...Roger Daughtry Mick Jagger MC Hammer Elvis Presley Bob Dylan Snoop Dog Gene Simmons Harry Connick, Jr. Sir/Ms Elton John Bon Voyage' Jovi... you go on and list more in this mess of gimmicks; these are all latent wankers and tossers, because they are a few that come to mind who lived and perished ...off the oats of the live and fully chopped trombonists, fender pickers, upright bassists... and frogs on the way to a gig~ who no 20 year old has heard of because there are no recordings to fast forward to the next generation of listeners! Open letter to all Megan's:

Julie Zuluaga
Luther Hughes
John Hughes
Pribek
Hardly Human (eight piece band for chris' sake!)
The Mackrosoft...
Gary Hodges, and that's just the "H's"

This all comes about because I happened on to a web-site that features CDBaby.com where I find the kinda thing that might keep me from yelling like I am today. I have been angry at the sick prince of anti-music for a decade for sounds to come out of the speakers that aren't anti-music! God has answered an old man's prayer. You too can get sanctified, keep searching.

Fortunately, cdbaby.com features "Real throats, real shuffling, and real hearts; and usually unsung these artists do it better than those who steal, mimick and go to Hair Transplants for aged Rock 'n Roll Men."

You know I look back and my middle school band teacher, Mr. Munson, had more talent than the gathering of excrement that keeps getting re-hashed, and played all over from overhead bose speakers at Krogers to College Station North-Gate. The bouquet has become unbearable.

Show me you got the stardust in you. Come out, come out where ever you are, and record the living daylights out of your PC's, let us subjective half-brained listeners hear it. Start your own underground Area 42, for Chris's sake, if record companies are all prick-ly's, circumnavigate them.

There is unlimited band-width in photonics, like a smizzzural gillion levels of light waves available to you real shaker/choppers. What I would give to be in a hole-in-the-wall, listenin' to dusty Martins, with Billy the Hat drawin' from some back factory of lyrics. But I am limited too, like so many aged prime 'Bay Boomers (Pribek.net). So I gotta bring it home. I don't care if it sounds like someone holding a Hello Kitty microphone up to your performance: Record ya' bastards!

In conclusion: Many of us are sick of the Beatles, I certainly am. Lots of us don't have a radio on anymore, its too damn feeble. What do I like? Well, record your best chops and let me see if that is the stuff. Listeners, yeah you Megan, go to cdbaby and start a revolution!

There I wrote it. That's all I've got today. >pd