MooPig :poop: Department :: "Pet Lovers' Derivatives"

[Picture LINK] "..."You often have to carry a bag of hot poop for many long minutes while running into every attractive opposite-sex acquaintance you have."..."

"Scruffy has to go outside, Junior..."
Martial Mashed Article by Pat Darnell  |  Mar 17, 2015  |  Bryan TX

Test for whether one is a bonafide writer or not ... "How many times do you have to look up the difference between 'affect' and 'effect?'"

There are two kinds of people, those who let their pets poop all over, and those who let their pets poop all over but never mention it. I have been both kinds. Unfortunately, our pets' pooping all over affects our long-standing watersheds. See article below.

Are Americans ready to 'effect' martial law on pets pooping all over? Ha! *[Let's see if I did that correctly]*  LINK -- I still can't figure it out.

As a young person I let our Pekingese-Cocker-Spaniel, Baby, poop all over the back yard and just avoided it as I mowed the yard. As a young adult I let our Border Collie poop all over his dog run. I couldn't organize my own wastage's, how could I affectingly manage our pup's waste?

Now after several scat sorties by this blog, I find I am still dilettante, and never will get it through my thick skull that the pets are pooping all over the place. Unfortunately, I have genetically passed on this shortsightedness to my children.

No Poop Fairy, so manage your pets' waste - National Green Living | Examiner.com: "The most effective way for pet owners to limit their pet’s contribution to source water contamination is to simply clean up and dispose of pet waste. As long as the droppings are not mixed with other materials, pet waste should be flushed down the toilet."

"...[I]n Northern Virginia, a dog population of 11,400 is estimated to contribute about 5,000 pounds of solid waste every day and has been identified as a major contributor of bacteria to the stream. Nearly 500 fecal coliform samples have been taken from Four Mile Run and its tributaries since 1990, and about 50 percent of these samples have exceeded the Virginia State water quality standard for fecal coliform bacteria, according to EPA..."

CONCLUSION
Food in; poop out.

____________________Reference
http://grammar.yourdictionary.com/style-and-usage/affect-effect-grammar.html
http://www.examiner.com/article/no-poop-fairy-so-manage-your-pets-waste
http://www.dogster.com/lifestyle/dog-walking-picking-up-poop-bags

MooPig :poop: Department :: "What 's in it for Me?"

MooPig Trend Spotter 
Re-directed youTube by Pat Darnell  |  Mar 17, 2015  |  Bryan TX

If you be poopin' you can bet that MooPig scatological will be snoopin' and we got your back-side. Benny Hill couldn't have done this commercial as well as she does it. Bovines and all, if it smells you still think you are in Nirvana. What's in it for me is that I don't have to sit on a warm toilet seat after you and also smell your deposits. Warm seats is bad enough.

Girls Don’t Poop – Poopourri.com | Poo~Pourri | Spritz the bowl before you go and no one else will ever know: " Poo-Pourri is a blend of essential oils that virtually eliminates bathroom odors! Our award-winning before-you-go® sprays come in a variety of scents and sizes. "
'via Blog this'




CONCLUSION
Product gets 4.5 flushes out of 5. We LIKE.

___________________________Reference
http://www.poopourri.com/

MooPig :poop: Department :: "Earth as a Toilet"

Most Will Shy Away from this Discussion
Mashed Martial Articles by Pat Darnell  |  June 28, 2014  |  Bryan TX

"What is shocking in India is this picture [HERE] of someone practicing open defecation and in the other hand having a mobile phone," said Maria Neira, director of Public Health at the WHO.

We can only imagine what an Indian wedding is like. The dogged truth is that bears do shit in the woods. When you are surrounded by a world of shit, there is still wonderful things all around to look at -- or is there ...?

"... Paris lovers try not to notice the dog poop everywhere, but they have to be careful anyway. In my neighborhood, if you don't have your eyes riveted on the sidewalk as you walk, you will have a nasty surprise on your shoes when you get home. Hundreds of people a year wind up in the hospital after slipping in the dog poop ( LINK) ..."

And then, there are 14 places you can aspire to pee/poop, including the ISS, ski slopes, underwater, and others, according to this article:

"...13. The Ski-Jump Toilet
Japan’s Madarao-Kogen hotel is home to the simulated ski-jump toilet, offering maximum comfort without the harshness of winter: “The cubicles were fully wrapped on all sides, so that the person caught short would have a ski jumper’s view when they were sitting on the loo.” (LINK)..."

[Picture LINK]

This bit started with this article:

One Billion People Still Practise Open Defecation, Endangering Public Health: UN: "Tom Miles GENEVA, May 8 (Reuters) - One billion people worldwide still practise "open defecation" and they need to be told that this leads to the spread of fatal diseases, U.N. experts said on Thursday at the launch of a study on drinking water and sanitation. "'Excreta', 'faeces', 'poo', I could even say 'shit' maybe, this is the root cause of so many diseases," said Bruce Gordon, acting coordinator for sanitation and health at the World Health Organization."
'via Blog this

"... Many countries have made great progress in tackling open defecation, with Vietnam and Bangladesh - where more than one in three people relieved themselves in the open in 1990 - virtually stamping out the practice entirely by 2012."

"...India's government has now woken up to the need to change attitudes, he said, with a "Take the poo to the loo" campaign that aims to make open defecation unacceptable, helped by a catchy YouTube video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_peUxE_BKcU  ."


CONCLUSION
Depend on MooPig to keep you informed. We will be monitoring all forms of excrement through out the world, and maybe make some charts up, and possibly mash a bunch of articles together to help you in your scatological pursuits. Remember -- we at MooPig will always be better than FOX News! Don't want to set the barre too high now.

EPILOGUE
Things we still want to know:

1. Has Bill Gates entered the stage where he locks himself in a Hotel room and doesn't bathe?
2. What became of the Westboro Baptist Church media whores?
3. Does Jose still work for Kennedy Underground Utilities Company? His job was to find water, no matter where he was.
4. If I put Erika Eleniak's picture on this post, will it become a number one in page-views post?
5. Why do networks pixel-ate out sponsors on UFC fighters' shorts and shirts when they show reruns of their fights?
6. Why does my foot shake when I type? Is that restless leg syndrome? I am, after all, almost 60. 

Erika Eleniak in "Under Siege"

________________Reference
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/08/one-billion-open-defecation_n_5289049.html
http://www.ruerude.com/2011/10/paris-dog-shit-poop-capital-of-the-world.html
http://knoxwulf.wordpress.com/2013/03/25/cell-phone-conspiracy/
http://youtu.be/_peUxE_BKcU
http://moopigwisdom.blogspot.com/2010/04/science-of-flatulence-farts-oops-poops.html
http://moopigwisdom.blogspot.com/2010/06/best-poop-blog-post-of-2010-nominations.html
http://moopigwisdom.blogspot.com/2012/02/todays-non-syndicated-funnies.html
http://moopigwisdom.blogspot.com/2012/10/moopig-archaeology-nano-second-ancient.html
http://moopigwisdom.blogspot.com/2013/02/letters-department-bill-gates-2013.html
http://moopigwisdom.blogspot.com/2013/08/moopigs-medical-diagnostics-and-health.html

MooPig's Medical Diagnostics and Health Alerts Department :: "You're Taking a Crap Wrong!"

A MooPig Poop Scoop; "Correcting your Anorectal Angle"
Thanks to Affiliate Correspondent Joe Holesworth  |  Aug 22, 2013  |  Bryan TX

So you already live with animals -- teenagers -- and now we find yet another class actionable suit situation with porcelain potties in the western world. When in Japan, do as the Japanese; yes they squat. But alongside their squatter toilet, in their public toilets, you will find Johnny Crapper sitters ... as Japanese become westernized.

Health Alert: You're Taking a Crap Wrong! This Is How You Poop Properly « Medical Diagnosis & Procedures:  "According to Henry L. Bockus in Gastroenterology, the standard textbook on the subject: "The ideal posture for defecation is the squatting position, with the thighs flexed upon the abdomen. In this way the capacity of the abdominal cavity is greatly diminished and intra-abdominal pressure increased, thus encouraging expulsion ...".

The reason is because of the puborectalis muscle."

'via Blog this'

CONCLUSION
Draw your own conclusion but take heed: not only is squatting good for elimination - it's also great for maintaining or reclaiming mobility and diminishing back pain.

_____________________Reference
http://www.amazon.com/Bockus-Gastroenterology-Set-William-Haubrich/dp/072163687X/
http://medical-diagonosis.wonderhowto.com/how-to/health-alert-youre-taking-crap-wrong-is-you-poop-properly-0139696/
http://www.squattypotty.com/
http://teri.ourhealthcoop.com/2012/08/squat-to-poop-correct-alignment-when.html
http://www.stratoblogster.com/

UPDATE: Whad' a Way to Go -- Stimulus Package on the Way

UPDATE: There is no Update at this hour, but there is a rumor of a Stimulus Plan




############ Meanwhile --
Academic Pachyderm's Elephantine Stimulus Packages

This article was taken from the Darwin Awards, the annual awards for people who, through single-minded self-sacrifice, killed themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. (Date Unknown)

[Retrieved HERE] PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly - and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump truck full of mud.

"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Herr Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that happen sometimes - a billion-to-one shot, at least."

The heartbreaking tale of constipation and tragedy began on April 23 when the conscientious zookeeper noticed that his prize, 8,000-pound African elephant didn't seem to be producing his usual poop aplenty. "Friedrich had actually been concerned for several days because he knew that severe constipation can kill an elephant," assistant zookeeper Kurt Herrman recalled. "He told me he was going to stay late that Thursday night to treat Stefan with laxatives and possibly give him an enema. I offered to help, but he sent me on home, saying he had everything under control."

Two hours later, horrified night watchman Walter Pleuger found Friedrich lying lifeless under a mound of muck, his body visible only from the knees down. "I had never really thought about it before," Det. Dern said. "But obviously, giving an elephant an enema can be a very dangerous activity and not something that should be attempted alone."