MooPig :poop: Department :: "Pet Lovers' Derivatives"

[Picture LINK] "..."You often have to carry a bag of hot poop for many long minutes while running into every attractive opposite-sex acquaintance you have."..."

"Scruffy has to go outside, Junior..."
Martial Mashed Article by Pat Darnell  |  Mar 17, 2015  |  Bryan TX

Test for whether one is a bonafide writer or not ... "How many times do you have to look up the difference between 'affect' and 'effect?'"

There are two kinds of people, those who let their pets poop all over, and those who let their pets poop all over but never mention it. I have been both kinds. Unfortunately, our pets' pooping all over affects our long-standing watersheds. See article below.

Are Americans ready to 'effect' martial law on pets pooping all over? Ha! *[Let's see if I did that correctly]*  LINK -- I still can't figure it out.

As a young person I let our Pekingese-Cocker-Spaniel, Baby, poop all over the back yard and just avoided it as I mowed the yard. As a young adult I let our Border Collie poop all over his dog run. I couldn't organize my own wastage's, how could I affectingly manage our pup's waste?

Now after several scat sorties by this blog, I find I am still dilettante, and never will get it through my thick skull that the pets are pooping all over the place. Unfortunately, I have genetically passed on this shortsightedness to my children.

No Poop Fairy, so manage your pets' waste - National Green Living | Examiner.com: "The most effective way for pet owners to limit their pet’s contribution to source water contamination is to simply clean up and dispose of pet waste. As long as the droppings are not mixed with other materials, pet waste should be flushed down the toilet."

"...[I]n Northern Virginia, a dog population of 11,400 is estimated to contribute about 5,000 pounds of solid waste every day and has been identified as a major contributor of bacteria to the stream. Nearly 500 fecal coliform samples have been taken from Four Mile Run and its tributaries since 1990, and about 50 percent of these samples have exceeded the Virginia State water quality standard for fecal coliform bacteria, according to EPA..."

CONCLUSION
Food in; poop out.

____________________Reference
http://grammar.yourdictionary.com/style-and-usage/affect-effect-grammar.html
http://www.examiner.com/article/no-poop-fairy-so-manage-your-pets-waste
http://www.dogster.com/lifestyle/dog-walking-picking-up-poop-bags

MooPig :poop: Department :: "Earth as a Toilet"

Most Will Shy Away from this Discussion
Mashed Martial Articles by Pat Darnell  |  June 28, 2014  |  Bryan TX

"What is shocking in India is this picture [HERE] of someone practicing open defecation and in the other hand having a mobile phone," said Maria Neira, director of Public Health at the WHO.

We can only imagine what an Indian wedding is like. The dogged truth is that bears do shit in the woods. When you are surrounded by a world of shit, there is still wonderful things all around to look at -- or is there ...?

"... Paris lovers try not to notice the dog poop everywhere, but they have to be careful anyway. In my neighborhood, if you don't have your eyes riveted on the sidewalk as you walk, you will have a nasty surprise on your shoes when you get home. Hundreds of people a year wind up in the hospital after slipping in the dog poop ( LINK) ..."

And then, there are 14 places you can aspire to pee/poop, including the ISS, ski slopes, underwater, and others, according to this article:

"...13. The Ski-Jump Toilet
Japan’s Madarao-Kogen hotel is home to the simulated ski-jump toilet, offering maximum comfort without the harshness of winter: “The cubicles were fully wrapped on all sides, so that the person caught short would have a ski jumper’s view when they were sitting on the loo.” (LINK)..."

[Picture LINK]

This bit started with this article:

One Billion People Still Practise Open Defecation, Endangering Public Health: UN: "Tom Miles GENEVA, May 8 (Reuters) - One billion people worldwide still practise "open defecation" and they need to be told that this leads to the spread of fatal diseases, U.N. experts said on Thursday at the launch of a study on drinking water and sanitation. "'Excreta', 'faeces', 'poo', I could even say 'shit' maybe, this is the root cause of so many diseases," said Bruce Gordon, acting coordinator for sanitation and health at the World Health Organization."
'via Blog this

"... Many countries have made great progress in tackling open defecation, with Vietnam and Bangladesh - where more than one in three people relieved themselves in the open in 1990 - virtually stamping out the practice entirely by 2012."

"...India's government has now woken up to the need to change attitudes, he said, with a "Take the poo to the loo" campaign that aims to make open defecation unacceptable, helped by a catchy YouTube video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_peUxE_BKcU  ."


CONCLUSION
Depend on MooPig to keep you informed. We will be monitoring all forms of excrement through out the world, and maybe make some charts up, and possibly mash a bunch of articles together to help you in your scatological pursuits. Remember -- we at MooPig will always be better than FOX News! Don't want to set the barre too high now.

EPILOGUE
Things we still want to know:

1. Has Bill Gates entered the stage where he locks himself in a Hotel room and doesn't bathe?
2. What became of the Westboro Baptist Church media whores?
3. Does Jose still work for Kennedy Underground Utilities Company? His job was to find water, no matter where he was.
4. If I put Erika Eleniak's picture on this post, will it become a number one in page-views post?
5. Why do networks pixel-ate out sponsors on UFC fighters' shorts and shirts when they show reruns of their fights?
6. Why does my foot shake when I type? Is that restless leg syndrome? I am, after all, almost 60. 

Erika Eleniak in "Under Siege"

________________Reference
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/08/one-billion-open-defecation_n_5289049.html
http://www.ruerude.com/2011/10/paris-dog-shit-poop-capital-of-the-world.html
http://knoxwulf.wordpress.com/2013/03/25/cell-phone-conspiracy/
http://youtu.be/_peUxE_BKcU
http://moopigwisdom.blogspot.com/2010/04/science-of-flatulence-farts-oops-poops.html
http://moopigwisdom.blogspot.com/2010/06/best-poop-blog-post-of-2010-nominations.html
http://moopigwisdom.blogspot.com/2012/02/todays-non-syndicated-funnies.html
http://moopigwisdom.blogspot.com/2012/10/moopig-archaeology-nano-second-ancient.html
http://moopigwisdom.blogspot.com/2013/02/letters-department-bill-gates-2013.html
http://moopigwisdom.blogspot.com/2013/08/moopigs-medical-diagnostics-and-health.html

MooPig's Medical Diagnostics and Health Alerts Department :: "You're Taking a Crap Wrong!"

A MooPig Poop Scoop; "Correcting your Anorectal Angle"
Thanks to Affiliate Correspondent Joe Holesworth  |  Aug 22, 2013  |  Bryan TX

So you already live with animals -- teenagers -- and now we find yet another class actionable suit situation with porcelain potties in the western world. When in Japan, do as the Japanese; yes they squat. But alongside their squatter toilet, in their public toilets, you will find Johnny Crapper sitters ... as Japanese become westernized.

Health Alert: You're Taking a Crap Wrong! This Is How You Poop Properly « Medical Diagnosis & Procedures:  "According to Henry L. Bockus in Gastroenterology, the standard textbook on the subject: "The ideal posture for defecation is the squatting position, with the thighs flexed upon the abdomen. In this way the capacity of the abdominal cavity is greatly diminished and intra-abdominal pressure increased, thus encouraging expulsion ...".

The reason is because of the puborectalis muscle."

'via Blog this'

CONCLUSION
Draw your own conclusion but take heed: not only is squatting good for elimination - it's also great for maintaining or reclaiming mobility and diminishing back pain.

_____________________Reference
http://www.amazon.com/Bockus-Gastroenterology-Set-William-Haubrich/dp/072163687X/
http://medical-diagonosis.wonderhowto.com/how-to/health-alert-youre-taking-crap-wrong-is-you-poop-properly-0139696/
http://www.squattypotty.com/
http://teri.ourhealthcoop.com/2012/08/squat-to-poop-correct-alignment-when.html
http://www.stratoblogster.com/

Obama is an Ass

by Funkdubius

The economy sucks, my cell phone gets a busy signal and i have to poop. All at the same time. Which one do I attack first?
If I listen to the busy signal and relieve myself at the same time I might get diarrhea. And the stimulus turmoil caused my irritable bowel syndrome. I think I will listen to the busy signal and hold it all in. I am waiting for the damn switch to digital and that should free up my cellular air waves. Hurry up and don't delay.


Thanks, *FunkDubius, for this report from that Waffle House where the politicians go to waffle -- there on Sheridan Road.

Yes, this confirms that Obama is not riding the Ass, but is the Ass... a bonafide consecrated Ass.

*Many thanks to superpoop.com for photos.

*funkubius is one helluva scoop....

Nostratdumbass: Official DA-AFL-CIO Prognosticators Dei-vision Gang, Ltd

Retrieved by Pat Darnell

whoa yeah… hats off to the Strato “Cleric of the Relic” Blogster. “What will happen next, indeed; Damn sure to be brought on by those backdoor Spaniards again…”

I am thinking in skull and bones rhetoric now: Is Stratoblogster’s source the long awaited spiritual leader of the Dumbass Club? We have three generations of members right here in our clan; members since 1987.
Wow, how did we let that one slip by? I’m getting a chill all over…

I am thinking we will include a copy of Nostratdumbass… article [HERE]to the XXL Beef and Bean Burrito Boutique [Click HERE] for Prize winning journalism, posterity, and to be included in a time capsule with some frijoles negros interred in Salt Lake City tomorrow during Barry’s Big Day Inaugural Bash\ NW Region. The event is the kick off for ground-breaking on the new Salt Lake City landfill.

Also included in the time capsule should be a “Distresscalade ($200K), CRT Monitor,” and red front doors, and of course Amy Winehouse’s dental xray’s.

Pithy quatrains are planned, and will be spoken by family members of polygamous relations as the rather large capsule is lowered into the ground. As a matter of fact, it might not all get done by tomorrow, depending on FedEx Sameday deliveries by 10AM tomorrow, and night shift back hoe crews working over time tonight to enlarge the tomb. *[did anyone check on that Randy Newman song? is it finished?]

[SOURCE: Saturday, January 10, 2009 | Nostratdumbass 2012 Predictions- A Relic Culture Coming]

We can only hope others are listening. If you are “Do you want to be a member? Yes; then cordially, stick out your thumb….. Tele owners are encouraged and welcomed, too.”
Thanks,
Official DA-AFL-CIO Prognosticators Dei-vision Gang, Ltd