Do you like Hadron Colliders?

One Hit Wonders Lyrics: do you remember this good ole song?

Pina Colada Lyrics
by Rupert Holmes
(I was tired of my lady
We'd been together too long
Like a worn-out recording
Of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping
I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns
There was this letter I read

"If you like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you'd like making love at midnight
In the dunes on the Cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for
Write to me and escape.")

The New Lyrics
by Pat Darnell and the Sillies

-- If you like Hadron Colliders --
-- and producing excruciating jolts --
-- and getting caught in a train --
-- bound with Higg's Boson motes --
-- If you leave France at noon day --
-- going near the speed of light --
-- you arrive in Switzerland --
-- before you left the other night --

AND:
-- If you like paradigm shifting --
-- on the Franco-Swiss border scape --
-- can it defrost pizza while rifting? --
-- since September two thousand eight --
-- my Hadron collider ... [my dear] ... will never be late --

(I didn't think about my lady
I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady
Have fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper
Took out a personal ad
And though I'm nobody's poet
I thought it wasn't half bad)

-- Yes I like Hadron Colliders
-- And getting caught in between
-- heavy metal atoms circling
-- in giant scientific machines

-- We'll get smashed underground
-- as atoms go 6000 miles in a ring
-- at speeds transcending sight and sound
-- you see I don't like my old routine

-- So if you'd only bring at least half-a-smile...
-- I'll bring champagne and figs
-- if a whole smile you bring to lunch
-- I'll provide half-a-pig!

-- I've got to meet you by noon
-- At a bar called Death and Doom
-- "And cut through red-tape"
-- to check out the birth of the Moon
-- "[..It's there] we'll plan our escape."
-- we'll sit by the Boson's Higgs Hadron's rule...

[Bridge]
-- become someone's health food
-- like Garden of Eden fruit
-- if only John Wayne were here
-- to play the Proton Pilot in a suit
-- by these Hadron testing grounds so near
-- with Susan Hayward to boot!

(So I waited with high hopes
And she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant
I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady
And she said, "Oh it's you."
Then we laughed for a moment
And I said, "I never knew."

That you like Pina Coladas
Getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean
And the taste of champagne
If you'd like making love at midnight
In the dunes of the Cape
You're the lady I've looked for
Come with me and escape)

-- Why kill off all da' hu-mans?
-- we give off that sulfur smell
-- along the border of iniquity
-- do you promise not to yell

-- when the earth egg disappears
-- do we pick up where we left off?
-- leave behind no one's trail of tears
-- no, t'won't happen, many scoff;

-- but you know about Pina Colada's
-- with lots of rum they are packed
-- just wait till a Boson Higgs you quaff
-- your buzz will fade eternal black
-- as for a hangover, you won't live to have

-- Yes, that's the Hadron Collider
-- about 100 meters underground
-- a particle accelerating mega thing
-- used by physicists to earn crowns
-- Briggs-Stratton Hadrons in eternal catapulting
-- resemble minuscule worlds deep within

-- but as inertia goes out of control
-- say good-bye to our existence,
-- no one will be left to say: "It is not so."
--thanks to our buddies at CERN
-- yes thanks to them, to nothing we return
[repeat chorus twice and fade out]