FWD::FWD Email Department -- SURVIVOR TEXAS -- A Message from the Networks

Everything in Texas is Bigger
Retrieved from email by Pat Darnell

Friends:
Soon will air on CBS "Survivor Texas Style." Read the Press Release message, to understand the complexity of this type of Survivor Style. I just hope and pray someone will return at least alive.
::Steve Pommer, also: [Alamo City Pundit]

FWD: FWD Email Sent: Monday, June 15, 2009 11:24:08 AM
Subject: Survivor Texas

We need to show more sympathy for these people, the contestants and directors:

* They will travel miles in the heat.
* They will risk their lives crossing a border.
* They don't get paid enough wages.
* They will do jobs and stunts that others won't do or are afraid to do.
* They will live in adverse conditions among a people who speak different languages.
* They rarely will see their families, as they face adversity all day ~ every day.

Texas Developers say "Let's bring Survivor back Home!" Due to the popularity of "Survivor" reality shows, Texans plan to sponsor one extra-large season titled, "Survivor, Texas XXL." Thirty-two Castaways, and thirty-two stunt doubles will be chosen for the event.

Part One Survivor Texas starts just South of the Texas-Mexico border in Chihuahua, Mexico. Their first challenge? You guessed it: they must find a way to get into the United States and reach their first destination -- Odessa.

Once those who survive are regrouped there, they form two clans and travel to Corpus Christi, Del Rio, El Paso, Childress, Midland, Grapevine, Lubbock and Amarillo.

From there they will go on to Abilene and Fort Worth, all over Texas... but the challenge is in riding on the backs of Hell's Angels' Hogs and Pan Heads, through choking dust of the Texas Panhandle.

Contestant's health will likely fail in the first leg, as will many of the carburetors of the antique Harleys.

Yes there is always a catch. For instance those survivors that get voted into exile by their fellow players will be cached off to Gitmo. Of course they will be held there indefinitely, or conscripted into working for Haliburton. And awaiting the exiled contestant is the handsome stranger... identity to be disclosed, maybe.

Survivor Leaders who have won initial individual challenges will enjoy Texas Hill Country winery and hospitality, while they coerce, seduce, bribe and stab other players in the back, forming brittle alliances.

This will be the first ever "Traveling Survivor TEXAS Road Trip, and Wine tasting Hoedown;" like a show within the show.

That leaves us to the end of Part One:

Part TWO -- The finale: Surviving Contestants will drive in groups of their own choosing, to Huntsville, Waco, College Station, then Austin. In Austin the trials and tribulations will take on a more serious swerve.... For instance some of the action is listed;

• Huntsville: Prison Lock Down Mock Prisoner Riot Immunity Idol Rumble Break Out Chainsaw Massacre
  
• Waco: Branch Davidian bonfire and Bobbitt missdewiener roast... ending in tattoo\bonding party, drug-inspired woodsie
  
• College Station: Test brain power of contestants as they are locked in Presidential Library of George H W Bush, and must find a solution to Swine Flu...
• Austin: Will be a major elimination trial for the players -- as they must dodge live sniper fire from a Floridian dishonorably discharged ex-Marine, plumber's son, who abuses amphetamines, and has a Glioblastoma brain tumor, perched in the University of Texas Clock Tower with a Remington 700 6mm bolt-action hunting rifle fitted with a 4x Leupold Scope.

After this exciting cull of the tribes, Survivors tour San Antonio during Festival, travel east to Houston where everyone says: "Eh?" -- then blast off to NASA.

Here's the catch -- Each alliance\tribe will be driving a 2009 pink Volvo all over TEXAS with bumper stickers that read:

• "I'm Gay,"
• "I love the Dixie Chicks,"
• "Eat more Wild Hog, Fatboy,"
  
• "Boycott Beef,"
• "Tomorrow I'll be sober: but you will still be a Pussy Texan,"
  
• "I Voted for Obama,"
• "George Strait Sucks,"
• "Hillary in 2012" and
• "I'm here to confiscate your guns.."
• "I [Heart] Hugo"
• "Press Two for Espana: 'Alto Immigracion Ilegal Ahora!'”
  

The first one to make it back to Dallas Texas Stadium, alive, is considered the Survivor -- and wins a chance to be a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader... now isn't that sounding Fun?!

God Bless Texas: God Bless Yawl All, and Me ya'll, too...