by Pat Darnell and Caddy
Leader Comrade Generalissimo Kim Jong Il
No -- not that kind of handicapped leader -- golf handicap. Peruse the following table collected at [SOURCE]
If you can find Kim Jong li's golf handicap somewhere, like this celebrity's list, you will win today's quip. You know it will be worth it!! Good luck, and happy searching.
| RANK | ACTOR | H'CAP | COMMENT |
| 1. | Dennis Quaid | 1.1 | Improved from 4.5 to 1.1 in four months |
| 2. | Thomas Gibson | 4.3 | "Dharma and Greg" to "Criminal Minds" |
| T3. | Matt Craven | 4.5 | Recent role: "Assault on Precinct 13" |
| T3. | Tom Dreesen | 4.5 | Comedian hosted for ill David Letterman |
| T3. | Chris O'Donnell | 4.5 | "Scent of a Woman" and "Robin" |
| 6. | Samuel L. Jackson | 4.9 | Most improved since our 2001 rankings |
| 7. | Randy Quaid | 5.9 | Working a lot, not playing much golf |
| 8. | Craig T. Nelson | 6.9 | Shows in syndication; more time to play |
| T9. | Mark Wahlberg | 7.0 | One of the few celebs at Wilshire C.C. |
| T9. | Hugh Grant | 7 | Member at one of U.K.'s best: Sunningdale |
| 11. | Jack Wagner | 1.0 | Why not No. 1? Soap star says he's a 10. |
| 12. | Kevin Sorbo | 7.2 | "Hercules" and "Andromeda" |
| 13. | Kevin Dillon | 7.3 | Matt's brother stars in HBO's "Entourage" |
| 14. | Luke Wilson | 7.4 | Plays at Bel-Air with Pete Sampras |
| 15. | Bill Murray | 7.5 | Pebble fave keeps Index on East Coast |
| 16. | William Devane | 7.6 | "Knots Landing" star an AT&T regular |
| T17. | Bruce McGill | 7.8 | D-Day in "Animal House" |
| T17. | Aidan Quinn | 7.8 | Harry Vardon in '04 Bobby Jones film |
| T19. | Peter Gallagher | 8.0 | Plays often, but focused on "The OC" |
| T19. | Matthew McConaughey | 8.0 | With Pacino in "Two For the Money" |
| 21. | Don Johnson | 8.1 | Latest TV show was "Just Legal" |
| 22. | Kyle MacLachlan | 9.0 | "Twin Peaks" guy plays in Dunhill Links |
| 23. | Andy Garcia | 9.1 | Won AT&T with Paul Stankowski in '97 |
| 24. | Kurt Russell | 9.2 | Herb Brooks in "Miracle" plays in Hope |
| 25. | Greg Kinnear | 9.8 | "Stuck on You" co-star playing a lot |
| T26. | Joel Gretsch | 10 | Bobby Jones in "Bagger Vance" |
| T26. | Richard Karn | 10 | Al in "Home Improvement" |
| T26. | Richard Kind | 10 | "Spin City" alum; hangs with Clooney |
| T26. | Scott Wolf | 10 | "Party of Five" to "Everwood" |
| 30. | Robert Wagner | 10.1 | Bel-Air mainstay still making movies |
| 31. | Kevin Costner | 10.8 | Turned 50 in January; Champions Tour? |
| 32. | James Caan | 10.9 | Godfather's "Sonny" now on "Las Vegas" |
| 33. | Eric Close | 11.2 | Stars on CBS drama "Without a Trace" |
| T34. | David James Elliott | 12 | Carl the moving guy in "Seinfeld" and "Jag" |
| T34. | John O'Hurley | 12 | "Peterman" is "Dancing With the Stars" |
| T34. | Tea Leoni | 12 | With Jim Carrey in "Fun With Dick and Jane" |
| T34. | Sylvester Stallone | 12 | Plays often at MountainGate in L.A. |
| 38. | Jack Nicholson | 12.2 | Top name in upcoming Scorsese film |
| 39. | Ray Romano | 12.6 | With "Raymond" over, game improving |
| 40. | Dennis Farina | 13.2 | "Law & Order" star |
| 41. | Clint Eastwood | 13.5 | At age 75 he's working, not playing |
| 42. | Larry David | 13.6 | "Curb Your Enthusiasm" star loves golf |
| T43. | Michael Chiklis | 14 | Won Emmy in '02 for "The Shield" |
| T43. | Cheryl Ladd | 14.0 | Charlie's Angel wrote book about golf |
| 45. | George Lopez | 14.2 | A hit on ABC and with AT&T galleries |
| T46. | Peter Falk | 14.3 | Columbo is 78, still making movies |
| T46. | Joe Pesci | 14.3 | Plays most rounds at Lakeside |
| T48. | Cheech Marin | 14.4 | Costner's caddie in "Tin Cup" |
| T48. | Peter Weller | 14.4 | RoboCop plays often at Riviera |
| 50. | Haley Joel Osment | 14.8 | "The Sixth Sense" kid now 17 years old |
| 51. | Michael Douglas | 14.9 | Monty's partner in '05 Dunhill Links win |
| T52. | Dennis Franz | 15.0 | Det. Andy Sipowicz on "NYPD Blue" |
| T52. | Will Smith | 15.0 | Friends say he's better than a 15 |
| 54. | Dennis Haysbert | 15.2 | "24" president would play Bush even |
| T55. | Malcolm McDowell | 16 | O.B. Keeler in Bobby Jones movie |
| T55. | Kevin Nealon | 16 | Former "SNL" regular on "Weeds" |
| T55. | Adam Sandler | 16 | Plays in Sony Open pro-am in Hawaii |
| T55. | Martin Sheen | 16 | "The West Wing" president |
| 59. | Robert Loggia | 16.8 | Boss Frank Lopez in "Scarface" |
| 60. | Keith Carradine | 17.5 | Half-brother of David ("Kung Fu") |
| T61. | Sean Connery | 17.9 | Keeps handicap at Lyford Cay in Bahamas |
| T61. | Kevin James | 17.9 | "King of Queens" out at Bel-Air, in at El Cab |
| T63. | Michael Keaton | 18 | "Mr. Mom" and "Batman" |
| T63. | Judd Nelson | 18 | "Breakfast Club" bad boy |
| T63. | Michael O'Keefe | 18 | Danny Noonan in "Caddyshack" |
| 66. | Dennis Hopper | 18.1 | Friend of tour player Tommy Armour III |
| 67. | James Woods | 19.1 | Made hole-in-one in Bel-Air tournament |
| T68. | Don Cheadle | 20 | Oscar nominee for "Hotel Rwanda" |
| T68. | Christopher McDonald | 20 | Shooter McGavin in "Happy Gilmore" |
| T68. | Eugene Levy | 20 | "American Pie" dad; "Best in Show" |
| 71. | Paul Michael Glaser | 20.2 | Starsky chairs Pediatric-AIDS event |
| 72. | Mike Connors | 20.4 | Mannix turned 80 this year |
| 73. | Tom Poston | 20.7 | Steve Allen show; made first ace at 80 |
| T74. | George Hamilton | 22 | Tanned while playing with Pres. Clinton |
| T74. | Gary Sinise | 22 | "CSI: NY" lead played in AT&T in '05 |
| T76. | Joe Mantegna | 23 | "Joan of Arcadia" star working on films |
| T76. | Andy Richter | 23 | Former Conan sidekick now acting |
| T76. | Richard Schiff | 23 | Won Emmy for "The West Wing" |
| 79. | Mel Gibson | 23.6 | Sherwood member rarely breaks 100 |
| 80. | Catherine Zeta-Jones | 24 | Plays with hubby Douglas, often in Bermuda |
| T81. | Chevy Chase | 25 | Cult hero of greatest golf movie ever |
| T81. | George Clooney | 25 | Plays rarely and doesn't talk about it |
| T81. | Kelsey Grammer | 25 | Frasier once beaned a woman with a shot |
| T81. | Arnold Schwarzenegger | 25 | Governator has playing privileges all over |
| 85. | Tim Allen | 30.4 | Hasn't posted sub-100 score since '98 |
| T86. | Billy Crystal | 36.0 | Member at Riviera; plays infrequently |
| NEW TO THE GAME | |||
| T86. | Russell Crowe | 36* | "Gladiator" star joined Australian club |
| T86. | Cameron Diaz | 36* | Boyfriend Timberlake got her into game |
| T86. | Brad Garrett | 36* | "Raymond" TV brother can't break 100 |
| T86. | Patricia Heaton | 36* | "Raymond" TV wife now hooked on golf |
| T86. | Ben Stiller | 36* | "Meet the Parents" star interested in lessons |
| T86. | Nicole Kidman | 36* | Spotted at Royal Sydney in Australia |
| PLAY OCCASIONALLY | |||
| T86. | Pierce Brosnan | 36* | "Bond" star has played in Malibu, Hawaii |
| T86. | Matt Damon | 36* | Doesn't play well or often |
| T86. | Heather Locklear | 36* | Plays in Michael Douglas' event |
| T86. | Dennis Miller | 36* | Struggled in Lake Tahoe celeb event |
| T86. | David Spade | 36* | Has shown a little interest in the game |
| T86. | Sharon Stone | 36* | Got her clubs from Callaway Golf |
| T86. | Bruce Willis | 36* | Likes to hit balls off back porch in L.A. |
| 100. | Tom Cruise | 36+** | Never seen anymore at Bel-Air C.C. |
2 comments:
Clint Eastwood and Mel Gibson are co-directing this one. It will star Tom Cruise as an Interpol undercover agent, who infiltrates Kim Jong's 38th Parallel Country Club and Golf Links, as a caddy.
Kim actually shoots well over a 100 regularly, but is a scratch golfer, because no witnesses are left after each round.
Tom kills the whole North Korean army with a one iron. Because a one iron is a club only God knows how to hit. So it becomes similar to Maxwell's silver hammer.
I can't go on with this...it's to hard.
Whew! Now that is why you are on board. We know we can count on you, and you know you can count on Tom Cruise.
No witnesses, funny one. One iron, even funnier. So glad you googled that 38th parallel Country Club and Golf Links. Maybe stealth technology can make a hole in one there... eh?
Behooved in your ambition,
Pato-son
You win the prize, by the way.
Post a Comment