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Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Handicap Corner Feature This Week: Leaders


by Pat Darnell and Caddy

Leader Comrade Generalissimo Kim Jong Il



No -- not that kind of handicapped leader -- golf handicap. Peruse the following table collected at [SOURCE]

If you can find Kim Jong li's golf handicap somewhere, like this celebrity's list, you will win today's quip. You know it will be worth it!! Good luck, and happy searching.


RANK ACTOR H'CAP COMMENT
1. Dennis Quaid 1.1 Improved from 4.5 to 1.1 in four months
2. Thomas Gibson 4.3 "Dharma and Greg" to "Criminal Minds"
T3. Matt Craven 4.5 Recent role: "Assault on Precinct 13"
T3. Tom Dreesen 4.5 Comedian hosted for ill David Letterman
T3. Chris O'Donnell 4.5 "Scent of a Woman" and "Robin"
6. Samuel L. Jackson 4.9 Most improved since our 2001 rankings
7. Randy Quaid 5.9 Working a lot, not playing much golf
8. Craig T. Nelson 6.9 Shows in syndication; more time to play
T9. Mark Wahlberg 7.0 One of the few celebs at Wilshire C.C.
T9. Hugh Grant 7 Member at one of U.K.'s best: Sunningdale
11. Jack Wagner 1.0 Why not No. 1? Soap star says he's a 10.
12. Kevin Sorbo 7.2 "Hercules" and "Andromeda"
13. Kevin Dillon 7.3 Matt's brother stars in HBO's "Entourage"
14. Luke Wilson 7.4 Plays at Bel-Air with Pete Sampras
15. Bill Murray 7.5 Pebble fave keeps Index on East Coast
16. William Devane 7.6 "Knots Landing" star an AT&T regular
T17. Bruce McGill 7.8 D-Day in "Animal House"
T17. Aidan Quinn 7.8 Harry Vardon in '04 Bobby Jones film
T19. Peter Gallagher 8.0 Plays often, but focused on "The OC"
T19. Matthew McConaughey 8.0 With Pacino in "Two For the Money"
21. Don Johnson 8.1 Latest TV show was "Just Legal"
22. Kyle MacLachlan 9.0 "Twin Peaks" guy plays in Dunhill Links
23. Andy Garcia 9.1 Won AT&T with Paul Stankowski in '97
24. Kurt Russell 9.2 Herb Brooks in "Miracle" plays in Hope
25. Greg Kinnear 9.8 "Stuck on You" co-star playing a lot
T26. Joel Gretsch 10 Bobby Jones in "Bagger Vance"
T26. Richard Karn 10 Al in "Home Improvement"
T26. Richard Kind 10 "Spin City" alum; hangs with Clooney
T26. Scott Wolf 10 "Party of Five" to "Everwood"
30. Robert Wagner 10.1 Bel-Air mainstay still making movies
31. Kevin Costner 10.8 Turned 50 in January; Champions Tour?
32. James Caan 10.9 Godfather's "Sonny" now on "Las Vegas"
33. Eric Close 11.2 Stars on CBS drama "Without a Trace"
T34. David James Elliott 12 Carl the moving guy in "Seinfeld" and "Jag"
T34. John O'Hurley 12 "Peterman" is "Dancing With the Stars"
T34. Tea Leoni 12 With Jim Carrey in "Fun With Dick and Jane"
T34. Sylvester Stallone 12 Plays often at MountainGate in L.A.
38. Jack Nicholson 12.2 Top name in upcoming Scorsese film
39. Ray Romano 12.6 With "Raymond" over, game improving
40. Dennis Farina 13.2 "Law & Order" star
41. Clint Eastwood 13.5 At age 75 he's working, not playing
42. Larry David 13.6 "Curb Your Enthusiasm" star loves golf
T43. Michael Chiklis 14 Won Emmy in '02 for "The Shield"
T43. Cheryl Ladd 14.0 Charlie's Angel wrote book about golf
45. George Lopez 14.2 A hit on ABC and with AT&T galleries
T46. Peter Falk 14.3 Columbo is 78, still making movies
T46. Joe Pesci 14.3 Plays most rounds at Lakeside
T48. Cheech Marin 14.4 Costner's caddie in "Tin Cup"
T48. Peter Weller 14.4 RoboCop plays often at Riviera
50. Haley Joel Osment 14.8 "The Sixth Sense" kid now 17 years old
51. Michael Douglas 14.9 Monty's partner in '05 Dunhill Links win
T52. Dennis Franz 15.0 Det. Andy Sipowicz on "NYPD Blue"
T52. Will Smith 15.0 Friends say he's better than a 15
54. Dennis Haysbert 15.2 "24" president would play Bush even
T55. Malcolm McDowell 16 O.B. Keeler in Bobby Jones movie
T55. Kevin Nealon 16 Former "SNL" regular on "Weeds"
T55. Adam Sandler 16 Plays in Sony Open pro-am in Hawaii
T55. Martin Sheen 16 "The West Wing" president
59. Robert Loggia 16.8 Boss Frank Lopez in "Scarface"
60. Keith Carradine 17.5 Half-brother of David ("Kung Fu")
T61. Sean Connery 17.9 Keeps handicap at Lyford Cay in Bahamas
T61. Kevin James 17.9 "King of Queens" out at Bel-Air, in at El Cab
T63. Michael Keaton 18 "Mr. Mom" and "Batman"
T63. Judd Nelson 18 "Breakfast Club" bad boy
T63. Michael O'Keefe 18 Danny Noonan in "Caddyshack"
66. Dennis Hopper 18.1 Friend of tour player Tommy Armour III
67. James Woods 19.1 Made hole-in-one in Bel-Air tournament
T68. Don Cheadle 20 Oscar nominee for "Hotel Rwanda"
T68. Christopher McDonald 20 Shooter McGavin in "Happy Gilmore"
T68. Eugene Levy 20 "American Pie" dad; "Best in Show"
71. Paul Michael Glaser 20.2 Starsky chairs Pediatric-AIDS event
72. Mike Connors 20.4 Mannix turned 80 this year
73. Tom Poston 20.7 Steve Allen show; made first ace at 80
T74. George Hamilton 22 Tanned while playing with Pres. Clinton
T74. Gary Sinise 22 "CSI: NY" lead played in AT&T in '05
T76. Joe Mantegna 23 "Joan of Arcadia" star working on films
T76. Andy Richter 23 Former Conan sidekick now acting
T76. Richard Schiff 23 Won Emmy for "The West Wing"
79. Mel Gibson 23.6 Sherwood member rarely breaks 100
80. Catherine Zeta-Jones 24 Plays with hubby Douglas, often in Bermuda
T81. Chevy Chase 25 Cult hero of greatest golf movie ever
T81. George Clooney 25 Plays rarely and doesn't talk about it
T81. Kelsey Grammer 25 Frasier once beaned a woman with a shot
T81. Arnold Schwarzenegger 25 Governator has playing privileges all over
85. Tim Allen 30.4 Hasn't posted sub-100 score since '98
T86. Billy Crystal 36.0 Member at Riviera; plays infrequently
NEW TO THE GAME
T86. Russell Crowe 36* "Gladiator" star joined Australian club
T86. Cameron Diaz 36* Boyfriend Timberlake got her into game
T86. Brad Garrett 36* "Raymond" TV brother can't break 100
T86. Patricia Heaton 36* "Raymond" TV wife now hooked on golf
T86. Ben Stiller 36* "Meet the Parents" star interested in lessons
T86. Nicole Kidman 36* Spotted at Royal Sydney in Australia
PLAY OCCASIONALLY
T86. Pierce Brosnan 36* "Bond" star has played in Malibu, Hawaii
T86. Matt Damon 36* Doesn't play well or often
T86. Heather Locklear 36* Plays in Michael Douglas' event
T86. Dennis Miller 36* Struggled in Lake Tahoe celeb event
T86. David Spade 36* Has shown a little interest in the game
T86. Sharon Stone 36* Got her clubs from Callaway Golf
T86. Bruce Willis 36* Likes to hit balls off back porch in L.A.
100. Tom Cruise 36+** Never seen anymore at Bel-Air C.C.

2 comments:

d2r2 said...

Clint Eastwood and Mel Gibson are co-directing this one. It will star Tom Cruise as an Interpol undercover agent, who infiltrates Kim Jong's 38th Parallel Country Club and Golf Links, as a caddy.

Kim actually shoots well over a 100 regularly, but is a scratch golfer, because no witnesses are left after each round.

Tom kills the whole North Korean army with a one iron. Because a one iron is a club only God knows how to hit. So it becomes similar to Maxwell's silver hammer.


I can't go on with this...it's to hard.

MooPig said...

Whew! Now that is why you are on board. We know we can count on you, and you know you can count on Tom Cruise.

No witnesses, funny one. One iron, even funnier. So glad you googled that 38th parallel Country Club and Golf Links. Maybe stealth technology can make a hole in one there... eh?

Behooved in your ambition,
Pato-son

You win the prize, by the way.

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