Feb 6 -- 13, Friday's Fun Horrifying Sex Quiz

MULTIPLE CHOICE
Before we get started, dodgy participants cannot use any of these excuses:

Overheard at a real university somewhere in the U.S.:

• Was this a real test?
• I thought it was a practice test...you're not gonna count that score are you?
• Can I earn extra credit?
• I wasn't here for the test. I'll bring a doctor's excuse next week...
• You want to "GRADE" our homework?!?!!
• I didn't have money for the textbook so I'm borrowing a friend's...
• I didn't have money for the workbook so I'm borrowing a friend's...
• I didn't have the workbook so I helped (insert name here) do their homework. Can't you just give me the same grade they earned?
• If I do well on the final, I'll still pass the course, right? (Dr J; November 17, 2008)
  

Answer all Questions correctly and possibly win an amazing Spider Enzione 2000 valve....


It's Friday the 13th, 2009

Today's Subject: "... illicit sexual relations... , are you daft?"


Question 1
"May they be cursed in town and cursed in the fields. May their barns be cursed and may their bones be cursed. May the fruit of their loins... [Loin [n] 1) The part of the body of a human or quadruped on either side of the backbone and between the ribs and hips] ... Be cursed as well as the fruit of their lands".

Is pre-marital sex often associated with these words – malediction, curse, loin, ruined, and fruit?

a__ French monks of the Middle Ages hurled curses like these at their enemies, seeking supernatural assistance when no secular judge could help them.
b__ Yes, and Goblins
c__ Yes, and Gargoyles
d__ Marquis du Sade would have
e__ blithely, yes, and sexy duck too


Question 2
Consider the following track record of a famous Hollywood Starlette, Ashley Judd:
"During the 1990s, Judd dated baseball player Brady Anderson, singers Lyle Lovett and Michael Bolton, and actors Matthew McConaughey and Robert De Niro. In December 1999, she became engaged to Scottish auto racer Dario Franchitti, who was at the time driving in Champ Car World Series (he has since raced in Indy Cars and NASCAR). The two were married at Skibo Castle, near Dornoch, Scotland, on December 12, 2001. (wki)"

Which statement below most matches Ashley Judd’s pre-marital activities?
a__ Teddy Bears' Picnic
b__ Obama Doctrine: Spreading the Wealth
c__ looking for Mr Good Bar
d__ Happy Birthday Mr President, this bun in the oven is yours...
e__ none of the above
f__ "Play Ball!"


Question 3
Considering now the sex life of Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska:

In 1988, she eloped with her childhood sweetheart Todd Palin. According to her mother, she believed that her parents "couldn't afford a big white wedding.” Todd Palin works for the London-based oil company BP as an oil-field production operator and owns a commercial fishing business.
Palin describes herself as a hockey mom. The Palins have five children. (wki)

Which statement below most matches Gov Sarah Palin’s pre-marital activities?

a__ business-like
b__ sturdy
c__ what one can say is Iowa bred, Alaska fed
d__ school kid libido with a happy ending
e__ unlike Ashley Judd's whoring and gold-digging, looking for a replacement father image to cope with fortune and self-idolizing... ooops
f__ all of the above


Question 4
What is the best reference for studying divorce rates in the world of marriage?

a__ Mein Kompf
b__ Frodo
c__ Queen Mother
d__ 'al Jazeera News
e__ COSMO, Oprah, and Sue Johanson
f__ where to write for Vital Records
g__ none of the above


Question 5
On February 29th, 2009, the sun will rise:

a__ according to the Farmers 2009 Almanac, "on schedule"
b__ when the Ox pulls the cart across the face of the Moon
c__ don't be ridiculous
d__ from the East
e__ a and d


Question 6
Women usually menstruate in sequence with what frequency:

a__ according to the Farmers 2009 Almanac -- "on schedule"
b__ when the Ox pulls the cart across the face of the Moon
c__ don't be ridiculous
d__ from the East
e__ a and d


Question 7
March 13, 2009 is also:

a__ the day Caesar died
b__ the day the Music died
c__ Friday
d__ omitted due to superstitions about the number 13
e__ mightier than the sword of a Sword Fish caught on that day
f__ this picture of the pig and goose is really, really illicit...

Question 8
January 18, 2008, Miyoko Fujimori of Shop Erotic was interviewed. Here is a snippet -- read and then pick best answer:

"Dethroner: When did Shop Erotic first hit the airwaves? [SOURCE]

"Miyoko: Shop Erotic first aired two years ago, and at that time we showed romance products mostly! [So strap-on scorpion vibrators with attached "anal stingers" aren't romantic? Romance is dead. -Ed.]

Dethroner: You guys seem so pleasantly clinical about all of the products I’ve seen. (Which isn’t a bad thing.) Is there any product that’s just been so odd that it’s been hard to talk about on the air?

Miyoko: We try to stay extremely clinical—it’s still TV! But I think that’s part of the appeal of the show. It takes away any old stigmas that we might have learned growing up. There are some products that can be difficult to talk about. Aria’s Pleaser was a tough one to shoot. Andrea and I were laughing so hard, it took a few minutes to calm down enough to present it seriously!"

a__ Shop erotic is responsible for social reform and bringing sexual freedom to masses through television
b__ Shop Erotic is there to make money, using any tactic it can, while pushing inferior products at manufacturer's suggested retail prices
c__ is a vision of Rupe Murdoch's
d__ sells its client list to Satan


Question 9
Today's Subject: "Hey, all young people learn first to enjoy illicit sexual relations... so what would you expect the divorce rate to be other wise for monogamous marital relations? and Less sneaking?"

a__ HuNH? Is there any other kind of sex?
b__ ...get out of the Men's Locker room!
c__ with or without conspicuous underage drinking?
d__ The supposition to the preposition is inaccurate
e__ Domini ad Infinitum: first order of bidness: "go forth you frothing whores and bastards, and proliferate..."
f__ See question number two


Question 10
Bull elephants have been tested in order to understand:

a__ why his scat smells better than yours
b__ is prone to stampede during certain times of the year
c__ though in captivity still is prone to follow his instincts
d__ that at mating time he will have 60 times the usual amounts of testosterone flowing through his body
e__ all of the above

Question BONUS:

Your illicit sex partner is being introduced first time to your: Mom and Dad, Wife or Husband, pet horse, Gov Malajovich, or the upstairs Maid... you are not sure how to keep it from being a psychotic event for yourself. Remember that misdirection is a major tool to use for happy illicit sex...

Best introductions for this occasion might be as this writer says --

"I like character intros that are a little less on the nose, a little more sleight-of-hand. Revelation by misdirection, or contrast with another character in the same room, perhaps. A slight idiosyncrasy that hints at the whole iceberg lurking beneath an otherwise unruffled ocean." (Read, Cornelia, [http://www.nakedauthors.com/2008/06/rhymes-with-duck-redux.html]

If you agree, pick the best approach for the introduction from these choices:

"Hi, I'm [name...here] and this is [name...here]... and ... He\She\It thinks"

a__ One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president and nine Supreme Court justices - 545 human beings out of 235 million - are directly, legally, morally and individually responsible for domestic problems that plague this country.(Smiley, P; [SOURCE]

b__ I think my brother and I both ended up here in America due to early conditioning at home. It wasn’t just the fact that my dad loved cowboy movies, or my mother’s stories of those lovely US airmen who bought her chocolates on her seventeenth birthday at a time when there were no chocolates to be had in London – it was pretty much one big bomb site at the time (I’ve told that story here before). There was a certain respect for America, a sense that without America, where would we be? America was the place where everyone wanted to know your name, where the cars were that big – and you should see the size of their refrigerators! (Winspear, J; [SOURCE])

c__ MUSIC FOR A RECESSION: With the economy in the toilet, you might prefer to listen to upbeat tunes. Not me. I like music to reflect the times. Here's one my favorites for cooking a can of beans over an open fire: James McMurtry's
"We Can't Make It Here." McMurtry is the son of Pulitzer Prize winning author Larry McMurtry ("Lonesome Dove"), but you knew that. (Levine, Paul; [SOURCE])

d__ She is eighteen.

e__ He\she\it is deaf mute.

f__ She\He\It is French... [See question one.]