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Thursday, December 16, 2010

MooPig Report from the Middle :: Judge NOT lest Ye be JUDGED ...

Every News Story, Every News Release is a LIE ...
Retrieved by Pat Darnell and the Cheep Shot Boys

There is one, at least one, after all, Universal Truth ... "Every one's shit stinks." That is universally true. When someone starts trying to tell another that his shit doesn't stink, any listener can be assured that this is a lie.
How does MooPig know this?

MooPig Department of Scatological Measurements has spent years proving that all shit stinks. "Basically it is the bacteria mixed in with blood, and other decaying organic materials that emits shit-like smells," said MooPig's Scatological Editor, Dr. Bean Thera, PhD Scatology. "The only example I can think of is if a Cow shat on the moon's surface where there is possibly only micro climate... well, then the shit might not stink. But that is so far fetched."

Far fetched is the catch word we were looking for. MooPig has some interesting facts on scatological overlays, but nothing to equal the squirting and leaking of shit coming from WikiLeaks ... brainchild of Julian Assange. He is a hybrid of Swedish neutrality, gone rogue on international scale. First off, the amount of shit leaked is unconquerable, but every word of it alters truth as we have read it for the past decade, or two.

The Julian Assange and associates' Wikileak fountain of leaking shit could eventually reach a billion documents. "The sheets of paper from the leak, put end to end would make it to the moon and back at least once ... ," Says MooPig's MooN Orbit Department head, "It's only a quarter million miles (238,857 miles) to the MooN; imagine that divided by eleven and a half inches of paper, as in end to end ..." explains Hoag Car Mikael, PhD Stardustology. "Easily there and back."

"The year has been a year of Leaks of murky shit. First the leak of unwanted garbage piled up in cities around the world, during labor strikes, then a leak of extinction level event with Event Horizon, ... er... I meant BP Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill Disaster .... you get what I mean..." said MooPig's Off Shore Drilling Department spokesperson, Gwenda Dose Dallas. "Now we have a leaking pile of shit that is almost the worst leak imaginable, Bureaucracy Documents, leaking in a fashion that belies our imaginary matrix of documentation within the Intelligence Community."

Never a truer word spoke, Gwenda. Comparing the document leakage shit to the Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill Disaster is brilliant. In fact the hug of truth could become the mantra -- if WikiLeaks is telling the truth.

Since MooPig has founded its whole blog and bullshit on basis that everything we hear in the news is a lie; could Julian Assange have also made up this whole bit? Did this Swede dude fabricate 250,000 bureaucratic documents? Hmmmmm, we held a MooPig-Enterprise-wide powwow; and we pose this question to our network:

"Is this just simply another bombastic News hound patsy making shit up to pass the time away in his otherwise paltry life?"

That's our Report from the Middle, where all the shit stinks around here, where the Men are good looking, the women are strong, and the children are above average. [Thank you to the far fetched Garrison Keillor]


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