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Monday, January 21, 2013

MooPig's Star Linger Power Department :: "Stardust" PART ONE

How long a Star Lingers up there is Paramount
by Pat Darnell  |  Jan 20, 2013  |  Bryan TX

What prompts this discussion is a billion dollar business. On the Red Carpet of stardom is a map of the birth, life, and, death, of stars.

Cue 'Stardust.' MooPig Star Linger Power Department has begun a new measuring tact that will give a number to a star's linger power ... stick-around-it-ness. It seems like a good idea at the outset, but we are not finding any substance to the concept. Except that some stars are paid up to $42k to wear certain clothes, and accessories: bags, jewelry and shoes, all happening during negotiations before an event like the Oscars.

Quick Poll   ... Are leggings acceptable to wear in public?

  • Yes! They're just tight pants.
  • No! They are too tight. Save for exercise and travel only.
There is a new software, app or such, that puts a tag on the items in the photo of your favorite star that is lingering in the ring of stardom. You simply find your star d' jour, and click on clothing items and accessories to find who designed and manufactured each of them. We're talking intimacy.

[Picture LINK]

The point being, whether the public wants it or not, certain persons become stars, and live a life of selling themselves. As stars live longer, well you guessed it, the longer star linger power each has. Examples alive today are: Wayne Newton, Joe Theismann or Terry Bradshaw, Helen Mirren, who are lingering at high levels.

How then do we spot a young star, a protostar, who will be with us for a long time. That is our mission in assigning a number to each newborn star to provide a derivative to Stock Brokers for investment futures, so they can hedge on them.

With some ease we can be assured that football stars will last a long time, RGIII, or Te'O. Young vegan health minded singers/songwriters should linger, and then there is false stars. Sarah Palin is a study in the false star category, but she is lingering, you have to admit.

In case you think otherwise, MooPig is nauseated by this bit of pseudo-science. It means that Justin Bieber, if he stays clear of fatty foods, misogynists, polyandrists, polygamists, escapologists, and pastors, ... will most likely be around for the next ninety years. I pity my children who must endure what all that implies.

Keith Richards might be the anti-thesis of this parody, but he sure enough has lingered ... we know you are thinking right now of stars who are suspiciously lingering out there.

If you are earnest in spotting who is the next rising protostars who will begin on the linger timeline, just tune in to cable TV Disney Channel. Watch a day's worth of "Austin and Ally", "Shake it Up!", "Wizards of Waverly Place", "Jessie", "Good Luck Charlie", and "ANT Farm" or "Dog with a blog." You will see first hand star linger power in its infancy, birthing out young starlets, with producers throwing money at them.

Our most lasting lingerers have come from the Disney Cartel.

ROUND 2: Who is your favorite male Disney child star of all-time?
  • Cole and Dylan Sprouse
  • Jonas Brothers
  • Justin Timberlake
  • Mitchel Musso
  • Zac Efron
MooPig Star Linger Power Department would like to apply this model to our quest in measuring this burgeoning business:
" ... Stars are born in nebulae. Huge clouds of dust and gas collapse under gravitational forces, forming protostars. These young stars undergo further collapse, forming main sequence stars.

Stars expand as they grow old. As the core runs out of hydrogen and then helium, the core contracts and the outer layers expand, cool, and become less bright. This is a red giant or a red super giant (depending on the initial mass of the star). It will eventually collapse and explode. Its fate is determined by the original mass of the star; it will become either a black dwarf, neutron star, or black hole.
There is a problem here. Each of the people who concern themselves with their celebrity is vying for attention. There are not enough thirty-second segments in one day to put up with this onslaught of vanity. We the observer, the tactician, the MooPigster, are the poor bastards who will suffer bombardment of stuff of stars, lingering ever longer ... gulp.

Will this bullshit never cease? Not likely.

And remember what Paul says:
paul Posted at 9:14 PM on December 12, 2012
" ... If you don’t wear panties it’s your responseibilty to make sure you don’ flash your gash. ... "
[ ... ]

Coming up PART TWO :: "We look in on aging BINGO callers from the Star Power Linger List" [the LIST]
What Would She Wear: S/S 13
The S/S 13 runways were packed with standout looks and it's only a matter of time before our favorite celebs stake their claim. Accordingly, we've tapped into our crystal ball to predict who's going to wear what, from a vividly printed Marni coat (Solange!) to a slinky cutout Michael Kors gown (Rooney!). Click through our slideshow and let us know if you agree with our fashion clairvoyance!


Patrick Darnell said...

Yep, these are valid emoticons... for this realization about our exec...
depressed ... or, its how I felt about it. pd

syld said...

Not relating to person stars which are mere blinks, the lasting life of heavenly bodies in space is of paramount interest, as the universe is powerful, benevolent or vicious. Earth as home is vulnerable in the galaxial scheme, however, inhabitants pose the greatest threat to life of our celestial body in the universe.

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