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Sunday, November 01, 2009

You Might be a Victim of Success if:


MooPig Tennis Circuit Sports Department Asks Andre' Agassi, "HUNjH?"
by Pat Darnell and Raquette Wilson

Who said it is all right for 'past prime' entertainers and sports champs to get back in our collective publicized eyes, with memo to their current 'book' of how they are victims? Who's next on retired emo athlete list of mistreated victim billionaires -- Tony Hawk?
"Gee, duh, yeahh, my dad was a total neanderthal," might write Tony Hawk, "Dad used to buy me every accessory for skate boards from all over the world. Geeeeeez, [whimper, snivel]..."
  • Agassi calls his father "violent by nature," and recalls being in the car when his father pointed a handgun at another driver.
  • [SOURCE] [MooPig: at least you guys had a car, Andre', butt head]
  •  
  • He [Agassi] writes about making money by hustling people on tennis courts and remembers when, at 9 years old, he beat former NFL great Jim Brown in a match to win a $500 bet for his father.
  • [at least your dad could cover a $500 bet, Andre', ya' knucklehead]
  •  
  • He [Agassi] poignantly recalls a telephone conversation with his father after winning Grand Slam title No. 1 at Wimbledon in 1992. Dad's initial reaction? "You had no business losing that fourth set," Agassi writes.
  • [Fourth set, yeah, that's when you lost him the $500, Andre' ya' two-fisted, wrist wrangling, wanker]
  •  
  • He [Agassi] writes about using crystal meth "a lot" and in sometimes-positive terms, including reference to "a tidal wave of euphoria that sweeps away every negative thought in my head. I've never felt so alive, so hopeful — and I've never felt such energy."
    "Apart from the buzz of getting high," he says, "I get an undeniable satisfaction from harming myself and shortening my career," he writes. But the physical aftermath is hideous. After two days of being high, of not sleeping, I'm an alien. I have the audacity to wonder why I feel so rotten. I'm an athlete, my body should be able to handle this."
    Agassi says he wrote to the ATP tour to explain the 1997 positive test and that "the central lie of the letter" was that he claimed he accidentally drank from a soda spiked with meth by his assistant "Slim."
Well, now that Meth Problem, that's all about self-abuse, Andre', ya putz. MooPig has three words for you Andre': RETIRE FOR GOOD

2 comments:

Greg Delaney said...

well Agassi is in the book selling business now, so he's gotta do what he can to make 'em fly off the shelf. Pretty soon he'll start naming names to sell the next few books he writes...

MooPig_Wisdom said...

Yes Greg:
It seems like there is a formula to entertainer business; and that includes a book about one's childhood, leading to one's sex life [or lacking, or altered], leading up to drug use and abuse... I wonder when entertainers will get past the Nero model?

I had a gay professor in design school at UofH, he said once: "Haven't we had enough of the lonesome cowboy thing?"

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