C*H*I*C*A*G loses its *O*

Two Point Five Billion is Enough
by Pat Darnell and Retiring Others

We have a number at last. The number that makes them retire: $2,500,000,000. Now we have a cornerstone; now we have a benchmark. There is something about that number. It has been cropping up in current events as a major figure in our capstone of Black on Woman Candidates; and glamor override from charismatic First Ladies... ambition and swollen resumes, couch jumping and aboriginal lock out. Decency now has a Price: $2.5 in 25 years. What a life: what a city !

Of course if properly handled those numbers will double in half the time, to say $5b in 12 more years -- yet Childhood obesity could have been the *O* effect in post Obama Oprah-sized Omerica. No, it dwindled down into a trickle of charades and demo's of new recipes that over-nourish our bifurcated tummy's. Could not have other issues been addressed during Oprah-uber-flaven orgies of self-ness, like: it is estimated that around the world, 2.5 billion people are without a decent toilet, while 900 million people worldwide do not have access to clean water? [whoa -- there's that 2.5 number again] With her fortune Oprah could make it rain on Afghanistan, or Iran, or wherever the poor children have no water.

It could have been all those things -- or not. Could not Oprah's farewell have been a calling to become a nun taking a vow of silence in these waning years. Couldn't she raise an army. Afterall, her years of talking about this and that, couldn't she put her money where her mouth has been, Oprah's last bidding bespeaks betrayal. Many rhetorical questions come to mind.

Rather me thinks this money sum, in summary, will be used to fortune [or buy] the next presidency. Ahh, now I know why she cries as she announces to her audience her plans to move on -- she knows that everything that follows is going to betray every troglodyte who lives by her word, including all the young fans who lost their virginity while watching her show. Think of all the arrested development to follow Oprah's quitting. Why oh why nothing is ever simple?

"Someday I'll wish upon a star,
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top that's where you'll find me
Oh, Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
And the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't I? I hiii ? (music by Harold Arlen and lyrics by E.Y. Harburg )"

One great subject after another, and midwestern work ethic has provided Oprah and Obamah life, birthed from the loins and womb of Chicag'*O* -- as it defines economic derivatives and aspirations for futures -- $2.5b is that magic number. I always thought $20 million would suffice; silly me.

So my next obfuscated conjecture dives directly into the *O* as if it were a gaping hole somewhere in the middle of the United States. The caverns were founded by Donahue who paid for the first Oprah Shows, and I was there in front of the boob box, watching the baton exchange hands. In Chicago before it gave its *O* to Oprah in 1986 I worked the next 25 years in company of work-place daily direct quotes of what the Lady *O* said the day before. Obamah-Oprah Omerica obselecence is preserved in Middle America, land bound, and it is now rooted well enough below freeze lines to sprout Neo-Dark-Ages transitional narrative history: The Calamitous 21st Century on the Prairie.

Twenty five years later, and 2.5b earning interest for the Pharoah-ess of Daytime, and my oldest child just turning thirty -- *O* runs for office next?? Maybe becomes a cabinet member at her young Nubian Prince's request. Maybe her use of her cathedral-like studio to expose whitey ways, forces the hand that has ushered in and out careers. Oprah should sing -- proving once again the oldest adage ever uttered by bored kings at operas "It ain't over 'till the fat lady sings..."

Act One, It is finally *O*ver..... thanks be to GOD and all the Saints, or not? OH NO...!

Next Week :: Oprah's Replacement Rumors and GaGa..