Project Global Cooling, by David Darnell

Anti-Parody 

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March 2, 2008
Jamsheed Hakiim
Final entry: Project Global Cooling

When this project was born, the Shah was still in power and Iran was destined to become the model of the Mideast. My family was comprised of many engineers, geologists and petroleum geophysicists. They were mainly educated in Moscow, Beirut and even one young man, Dafya, went to Loyola College in Baltimore. He was the visionary and guiding light of the project, working diligently and pulling many strings to get to the U.S. to go to school. Dafya also, during this time, became a believer in Jesus and was baptized at the school chapel. Also while he was in Baltimore he discovered the charms of American women, one of them being my mother. Actually, they dated, fell in love and were married by a Jesuit priest. He was called back to Iran, under the pretenses of having an ill relative. When he arrived he was whisked away to one of the research compounds in Bushehr. He was working on his doctorate in computer aided seismography and physics.

After the Shah died, the Ayatollahs began pulling the veil over Iran and shutting them off completely from outside influences. They began using great oil-wealth to finance clandestine Islamic extremist goals all around the globe. Students abroad were coerced back into Iran, by any means necessary. What the world didn’t and still doesn’t know is that the shallow oilfields are not only close to the surface but the reservoirs are shallow and inconsistent themselves. The oil wealth is an illusion. Subsurface fault lines have caused the oil to pool beneath mountains of jack-knifed granite at depths of 5000 to 7000 feet. The great pools are out of easy reach. The Ayatollahs have turned away all of the major oil companies, who have the technology and capability to recover it. Many of my family have been locked –up for years in various compounds by the regime to try and find an answer to the dilemma. Maybe you have read, Japan is very interested in the Azaadegan region, pouring yens and technology here to try and find the oil.

With the international dialog about Iran’s nuclear reactor development, the perceived reason is for them to build a bomb. However, in reality they need the reactors to generate electricity. My dad, Dafya Jamsheed, has become a top developer of the Iran Project Global Cooling. His ticket back to the U. S. is tied to his ability to bring to fruition a nuclear power plant.

I recently received an e-mail which read: Dear Jamsheed, Our chance to meet in Baltimore seems to be not much of a chance at all, unless we are able to procure more funds and re-new our passports. The exit fees from Iran have become quite high and unreasonable. If you could open a bank account in your grandfather’s name, you know Grand-pa Raymond (Raymond had become our code word for uranium) However, it would be best if you took the funds from the Jamsheed Trust fund account and pay the penalty for early withdrawal and use the Visa Card in the safe deposit box. The card is in the trustees name and you have the security code. (We don’t have a trust fund, safe deposit or trustee). Once you have the card and funds, put the card back in the safe deposit. Contact your cousins in Fort Murray, Canada right outside of Alberta. There will be a truck there loaded with some artifacts and booty from Grand-pa Raymond’s warehouse. These are from some of the early days of traveling back and forth to Iran. (I knew from other communications that the researchers needed 1000 kilos of uranium hexafluoride to finish an important stage of enriching the uranium. Some smugglers had it in Canada.) Go and purchase what you need and bring the truck to Baltimore. Check with my Physics professor, he now owns La Dolce Vita Amusement Center near the Harbor Freeway. He will arrange a buyer for the rugs and artifacts. (La Dolce Vita was a hang-out for gamblers and nefarious characters). That should furnish enough funds to take care of my exit papers.”

I was able to make myself inconspicuous around the various registers in Nordstrom’s at Towson Town Center. I waited and shopped like all mall rats do, milling around the areas where women shop. My opportunity arose when you checked out with a leather jacket and gloves. I was behind you talking on my cell phone as you took out your card to pay and I snapped a photo of your card. Actually, I was shooting a video of your transaction. Your bad luck and my enabling providence to be a thief was that you require ID, so you also took out your drivers’ license, which showed up quite nicely on the video. The fumbling with your purse and wallet gave me time to really focus. I sent everything to my computer which had appraisal district software, state police files and typical rosters of residents and soon I had accessed some files from a transaction for a car loan at Bank of America. An inadvertent disclosure of social security got me in the system.

Your purchase was 1000 kilos of uranium hexafluoride; my fathers exit from Iran and hopefully someday a peaceful and maybe a little bit Christian Iran.

I stole your identification and card number and carried out this theft in order to help Iran build a nuclear reactor, hopefully for peaceful purposes.

My father made it out of Iran to Singapore and then L.A. So far no bombs have been detected but there seem to be fewer rolling black-outs across Iran.

I threw your ID in Chesapeake Bay tied to a tire tool.


> D2R2's MTC #8 article written March 1, 2008; posted on this site by moderator MooPigWisdom for author.

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